Comedy Writing Prompts

That awkward moment when you visit your SO's family and recognize their dad from a one night stand years ago. Then recognize their mom from a different one night stand years ago. And then recognize their brother...and their sister and their aunt...and uncle...Have you fucked this whole family?

Aliens have finally contacted Earth! …Unfortunately, despite the aliens’ peaceful intentions, their species naturally emits pheromones that chemically stimulates a terror response in most humans, and they look downright HORRIFYING.

You were a dildo “tester” at a dildo company that made very monstrous toys. So good we’re you at taking the tentacles, bulls, and giant spined dragon cocks, that they promoted you to test the actual monsters they base the dildos off of.

Your beginning to think your big tiddy goth coworker is into you. I mean, she’s flashed her massive tits, grabbed your butt, crawled next to you naked and said “make this kitty pregnant”, sat on your face, and kissed your crotch…but on the other hand what if she’s just being friendly?

The revelation that your parents are retired supervillains was surprising. The revelation that every adult in your neighborhood is a supervillain who agreed to amnesty in exchange for retiring, living there and allowing the government to “keep an eye on them” even more so.

A galactic Empire invades a primitive world. The natives send a protest note, to the correct address and with all the necessary formalities...

Princess Wendy lives in the White Castle of the Burger Kingdom. Her father, the Burger King, recently appointed five notable suitors for her to judge. Except these Five Guys are all really hot, and they all want her fresh cakes just as much as she wants all of their "large fries".

"The perfect murder." You thought to yourself happily, looking out the window. Only to see Sherlock Holmes, Hercule Poirot and Miss Marple are already here.

A witch has a massive crush on someone and tries every magical method she knows to make them feel the same way about her. None of them work because her crush is already in love with her and just too shy to make a move.

Broke, jobless and with nothing but a couch and a fridge to your name, a thief breaks into your home... Only to be horrified for you

Casual sex implies the existence of competitive ranked sex

You have a crush on your friend, though the two of you butt heads quite often. A Freudian slip in the middle of an heated argument leads you to order, “Fuck me!” instead of “Fuck you!” To your shock, they go in for a kiss.

You are the repairman for the “sex synth” futuristic androids designed to mimic a woman’s body perfectly for one purpose….pleasure. They are self aware however, and often need repairs. They find it hilarious to act extremely turned on when you start sticking screwdrivers down their butts though

"What do you mean we're stuck like this!?" "Isn't this what you two wanted?" "NO!"

"What are you doing at my door, villain?" "Well, you have busted my robbery, hero. Now, I couldn't pay my rent and I got evicted." "So?" "Can I stay here for now?"

Do you orgasm every time you hear a trigger word? Do your breasts grow every time you sneeze? Does anyone who looks you in the eyes get desperately horny and try to fuck you? If so, Cumunback's home for the sexually cursed is the place for you.

“Can I please pet that dog?” “That is not a dog! That is a Canisapian from the planet Anubis, a highly intelligent species.” “Then can I pet that kitty?” “No, again, that is not a kitty; that is a Felisapien from the planet Bastet, yet another highly intelligent species.”

"Well of course newly turned werewolves are aggressive! You need to socialise them!"

Greetings human! I- No! No, don't panic! Stop struggling! You can't. I'm your new symbiotic parasite, and- Oh, oh geez. This isn't going well. Uh... H-Here, Have some endorphins! ...AH! That's not supposed to happen!

As a demon, you get summoned for all sorts of things. Occult rituals, assassinations, etc. But today, your summoner is none of these things. Today your summoner is a soft spoken, nervous boy who just asked you to go to the High School Reunion Dance with him as his girlfriend.

The worst thing about dying is talking to HR the next morning.

Sir Perior gave the new recruit a tour. "This is Sir Loin, our cook. Over there is Sir Jun our doctor. Next to him is Sir Valence our espionage expert. Sir Kus is the one cracking jokes. Dame Zel is the only lady but she's no less dangerous. Any questions?"

A monster collects sex toys with no clue of their use.

“Yeah, a couple of guys back in my old fraternity were magical creatures. One thing I learned the hard way from my time there is to never get into a drinking contest with a dwarf, an elf, really, any other fae in general, a dragon, or a vampire. They will drink the entire frat under the table.”

The catgirls are way out of your price range, and mermaids at no fault of their own are expensive to maintain. What sort of monstergirls can a collage student on a tight budget afford afford?

"OK, who thought that taking an infinite amount of monkeys, giving them an infinite amount of typewriters, and leaving them to try to type out the complete works of Shakespeare was a good idea?"

Humans FUCK and their species has become infamous across the universe for being super sluts which is why you can't help but be a little confused when you meet one

You got admittedly a bit too drunk last night. You didn't expect to find a group of a-lister villains chilling in your house.

The rogue signaled a halt, and turned to the rest of the adventuring party. "Careful, guys. I think we're in a dirty writing prompt now."

She could've sworn the application had said 'lifeguard'