Wordplay and Puns Writing Prompts

When offered one wish, you jokingly said that you want to fire proof. You are disappointed to discover that fire still burns you. When you accidentally lit the company breakroom on fire, your boss just laughed it off and you began your new career as the person who can't be fired, ever.

You are Dog to which dyslexic people sometimes address their prayers. You do your best to help because you're a good boy, but alas, you are a dog.

When offered one wish, you jokingly said that you want to fire proof. You are disappointed to discover that fire still burns you. When you accidentally lit the company breakroom on fire, your boss just laughed it off and you began your new career as the person who can't be fired, ever.

A sniper and a photographer meet in a bar, neither aware of the other's occupation. They talk about 'how to take the perfect shot'.

Due to a genie mixup, you DON'T have immortality, but "IM mortality," which is Latin for "999 lives." Since you'll still age normally, you live a very reckless life - you have lives to spare.

You own a laundromat that literally launders money. It keeps the money clean, sanitized, and stiff. Of which you had to explain to mobsters, cartels, and law enforcement agencies, every, damn, year.

You are an old African priest tired of watching your people being terrorized by vampires. You saw the weather forecast, and you know your job. Today, you'll bless the rains down in Africa.

As you arrive in Heaven, you are confident you have lived your best life. You proudly exclaim you are ready to have your soul judged. An angel walks by with diced carrots and chicken stock under his arm and says, “Did you say ‘soul’? Please don’t tell me Earth still has the copy with typos...”

Realizing Shakira's hips are speaking in Morse Code, you begin to pray that they can lie.

Somebody once told you the world is going to roll you. However, you are the sharpest tool in the shed.

"Rules are, you can't—" "Yeah, yeah," you cut off, "I can't wish for more wishes. Should I also assume I can't wish I can wish for more wishes?" At this, the genie pauses.

Before an engagement, the commanding officer ends his speech with “make your ancestors proud”. A subordinate responds “Sir! I’m not proud of my ancestors, can I borrow someone else’s”?

"You should be aware that casting this spell will legally require me to take your firstborn child" said the Witch, "but the meaning of 'take' was never defined, so I imagine we can figure out a loophole or two that'd work for you."

You were supposed to get hydrokinesis. However, due to a typo, you got hydrakinesis instead.

When you made a wish to the genie to become fireproof, you expected to become "immune to fire", not "immune to getting fired".

"Our enemy is too strong to face head on. We'll have to use gorilla warfare." "Sir, do you mean guerrilla warfare?" "No."

Witchcraft is illegal, but you're not a witch! You and your coven- I mean, you and your friends are just exceptionally good alchemists.

Magical incantations are actually insults in the arcane language; sicker burns mean stronger effects. You are about to be first person in history to cast a "yo momma" spell.

"I thought you used to be a prostitute!" "Why would you...? Oh... No, no... Lady of the night is just a fancy way to say vampire." "You are a vampire?" "Used to be."

You misread the reward for the quest. You received a Dragon Bride, not a Dragon Ride, from the king.

"Earth Ambassador, as Chairman of the Interstellar Mammalian Compact I must insist that you stop loudly expressing your opinion that envoys from the Aquatic Species delegation are 'acting fishy'."

The dragon didn't realize it misheard the definition of "hoard" until it had already amassed an army of nomadic steppe warriors.

Unknowingly by using the phrase "for the time being...", humanity has been gifting things to the time being. Now it wants to return the favor.

A story where every meaning of "I never said we should kill him" based on italicization is used.

"For my third wish, I wish that I don't receive any unwanted sexual attention." "Granted! You now want all sexual attention you receive."

Sir Perior gave the new recruit a tour. "This is Sir Loin, our cook. Over there is Sir Jun our doctor. Next to him is Sir Valence our espionage expert. Sir Kus is the one cracking jokes. Dame Zel is the only lady but she's no less dangerous. Any questions?"

"I said CALL the humans, not CULL the humans! How many?!"

“Wait- but you said you were a part of the CIA-” “Yeah, the- the Culinary Institute of America, please put the gun down-“

The king thought the adventurer was doing a good job, they'd delt with the dragon, the bandit Lord, and many other problems... Though he was starting to suspect this adventurer was "laying" rather then "slaying"

“Sir, it appears that you have an STI.” “How is that possible?! I haven’t been…well…ACTIVE for quite some time.” “Well, that’s the thing. In your case, it seems that STI stands for Supernaturally Transmitted Infection.” “Excuse me?”