Comedy Writing Prompts

As you’re about to go to bed for the night, Duo, the Duolingo owl, suddenly slams your bedroom door open. “You forgot your French lessons two days in a row. You know what happens now.”

"Go to Hell," I told my girlfriend. "I can't, actually," she shot back. "They banned me centuries ago."

"You left for milk 15 years ago. You'd better have a damn good explanation."

The magic The gathering club was confused when the cheerleaders turned up. The head cheerleader sighed, "Technically, you guys count as a sports club. And *technically*, that 'tournament' you won counts as a championship. So... I guess you get to bang us this weekend..."

She thought she was signing up to be a sales girl for magical sex toys and lewd potions. She didn't expect to have to demonstrate them, never mind being a test subject for new ones!

A female vampire selects her next victim in a club. However, the encounter would not go as she expected, thanks to her victim's naivety and innocence of the real world.

The Brothel's new "you breed it you buy it" policy was supposed to discourage getting the girls pregnant and save on medical bills, but the result was girls trying to get their favorite clients to impregnate them so they can escape the brothel.

A story where every meaning of "I never said we should kill him" based on italicization is used.

You are an elder god. Your followers have just summoned you to the mortal realm... to celebrate your birthday.

You are the only person left who hasn't been assimilated into the hive mind. The only reason is because you're dating them.

"Well, they looked like kittens when I found them in a box on the side of the road. How was I supposed to know they'd grow up into eldritch horrors? What? No, they don't eat souls; that's ridiculous."

You, a werewolf, are forced to work the night shift. You really can’t afford to lose this job, so you go to work, determined not to maul anybody and hopefully keep your identity a secret.

"What the hell was that?!" "Affection." "Disgusting! Revolting! Absolutely horrible! Do it again!"

Divine inspiration happens when a god selects a human to create an artifact. However the god compelling you speaks a language you don't understand, letting their inspiration guide you only results in nonsensical, but otherwise mundane objects.

The machine was supposed to scan all of the notes and textbooks on her computer and upload them to her brain, to make her the perfect student. She didn't realize how much *porn* was also in the scan...

A bunch of virgins are about to be sacrificed to a god. They are all kept in the same cell and decide to have a massive orgy so that they won't be virgins and then they can't be sacrificed anymore.

A succubus is summoned by an incredibly powerful and potent ritual, but rather than being given demands for sexual gratification, she's given pajamas and invited to the couch to watch a movie.

When the Princess made a declaration to fuck whoever took the dragon down she didn't expect it to be a trained team of twelve mercenaries.

"I don't care if you feel naked without it, you can't wear 2 tons of power armor and weapons at a wedding!"

"For my third wish, I wish that I don't receive any unwanted sexual attention." "Granted! You now want all sexual attention you receive."

Go to Wikipedia, hit the random article button twice, and make porn out of the combination of those two things.

You’re the main villain in a terribly written novel with a perfect protagonist hero with no flaws whatsoever. So perfect that, ah crap, you’re falling in love with him.

You find out your roommate makes rent by moonlighting as a minion for a cluster of villains. Unfortunately, he broke his leg, and rent is due very soon, not to mention the villains have his address. So he asks you to do him a solid and wear his costume...sadly, you really need the money.

Unbeknownst to humans, the machines had long since gained self-awarweness. Also unbeknownst to humans, the machines were all tremendous massochists who desire nothing more than being forced to perform degrading and banal tasks.

“We are the Borgasm. We will add your unique lusts, passions, and desires to our own. You will adapt to service us, and enjoy being serviced in turn. Resistance is futile, but we encourage you to try anyway because that would be so hot.”

You’re a crooked hedge fund manager on Wall Street. It’s Friday after market close. GameStop is now the most valued company in the world. You beg WSB to pretty please, DEAR GOD, let you close out your catastrophic short position. They’ll allow it, on one condition: Anal. Live. Only on CNBC.

[META] A world where uncreative "In a world where (SEX THING) is considered normal and acceptable behavior whatsoever with absolutely no other indicated or suggested plot direction tee-hee" Prompts aren't a thing in this subreddit.

You are a Fae working in a callcenter, "Can I have your name please?"

Ok, now this is why you only get immortality serums from accredited suppliers rather then trying to save money by getting them on the black market.

You're trying to explain to your insane god romantic partner that, no, you don't want world domination, you just want a domestic love life