Comedy Writing Prompts

"So you're a villain, but you only want to take over this small village?" "Yep." "You don't have any plans to take over anywhere else?" "Nope."

Guests at an old castle-turned-hotel often wake up in the morning feeling light-headed, as if they're suffering from blood loss. This is odd to everyone, especially the family that owns the castle; they may be vampires, but they get their blood from a bank like civilized people.

When you learned that you were teaming up with a magical girl, you expected a tiny preteen in a dress with sparkles. Not a 6’4 behemoth wearing bright pink body armor wielding a machine gun.

In a world where superpowers are bought at the store, two teens drop 20 bucks to raid the dollar bin.

“So, I noticed on your paperwork that you put ‘mixed lineage’. Would you care to elaborate?” “Oh, well my dad’s a minotaur, and my mom’s a mermaid. I just inherited the human side of both.”

You are an alien Hive Queen and you're supposed to be conquering Earth right now. But you're to busy with your career streaming video games on the internet.

"Oh you are not drinking!" "Why not?" "Last time you tried to ride a door like a motorcycle." "So...?" "You got over 120 km/h on that door!!!"

A few years ago, your country elected a chaotic neutral president, who permanently made it so the candidate with the fewest votes is elected. Everyone was expecting absolute carnage in the next electoral season but... Things have never been better

Medusa finally leaves her cave after thousands of years. She finds out her power to turn people into stone no longer works as it relies on people perceiving her to be ugly and beauty standards have drastically changed. Now she is wondering if she prefers isolation over the catcalls.

You are an entity that feeds off all negative emotions, and so you did the only logical thing; you got a job at a call centre.

"Dad, I'm-""An edlritch abomination beyond my understanding,yes yes, cool. Groovy. You are still going to therapy.""...I hate this family!"

"Stop, or people will think you are flirting with me!" When he told this to his hot tomboy best friend, he did not expect her to blow up at him. "I AM FLIRTING WITH YOU! I HAVE BEEN FLIRTING WITH YOU LIKE A HORNY BIMBO FOR THE LAST SIX MONTHS YOU WONDERFULL MORON!!!"

It's been two months since i started dating my new girlfriend, However she panics when she accidentally reveals that she's a werewolf. It was hard to Explain that i already knew and even harder to explain that i was into it.

*sigh* Another sultry and seductive woman talking to me of all people on a lonely night. Babe, would you kindly turn into a demon, a vampire or something of the sort already ? I already know you're not human, and it'd make me feel less shitty for pumping you full of cold iron and silver.

,,...And that is why you'll never see human in any ZOO in the whole galaxy."

Sexuality is not only not a taboo in this society, it is a conerstone. (Similarly to how media and entertainment is in ours) Fucking you coworker's ass? A kind gesture. A politcal candidate giving out blowjobs? A great marketing strategy. Having sex in the movie theatre? Just a little obnoxious.

When the aliens came to earth to invade, people were scared at first. But it quickly became apparent that even they didnt spend as much on their military as the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

You sell magical items. For some reason, none of your customers seem to understand that invisible cloaks are meant for keeping people warm without hiding more fashionable clothing.

Unknowingly by using the phrase "for the time being...", humanity has been gifting things to the time being. Now it wants to return the favor.

You encountered an eldritch being as a kid, but instead of being creeped out, you gave them food. Since then, they have followed you everywhere, never leaving your side, and they also eat all your food.

Dracula has been slain by a vampire hunter. But what's going to happen to his estate? An estate lawyer has been charged with going through the documents of the vampire's many properties, and finding out what goes where. This includes a very, very long will and testament.

You're a fraud. Your parents are wizards, your siblings are wizards, but you are not. However, the wizardry school still sent you an invite - apparently, they didn't know you weren't born with powers. So, now you're trying to fake your way through school just with stage magic.

You accidentally summon a demon from the underworld. Surprisingly, the demon is just as terrified of you as you are of it.

When you attacked the Demon Queen's castle you tought you were prepared for everything. The maid costume took you by surprise anyways.

There is a certain amount of caffeine that induces cardiac arrest. I have found that amount and removed a single nanogram from it. This is, mathematically, the strongest coffee in existence.

At first you just took it as humility but hearing "I'm just a normal person" after they killed a dragon the size of a mountain range, it's starting to piss you off.

If we die today it will be-" "you said that the last 3000 times the loop repeated, SHUT UP"

"If you're a dhampir, and vampires are literal corpses, how was your mom the vampire?" "...Don't question it."

You're a cryptid obsessed with human media about you. You've collected all the merch, watched the movies, played the games, read the books, and constantly browse your subreddit. It inspires you, feeling a role in humanity. One day, urban explorers stumble into your hideout and find your stuff.

Their new butt plug had an interesting feature: Proximity Vibration. The more people using the same toy in close proximity, the more intense the vibration. Well, it's not like there'll be that many fellow perverts in their daily routine, right? Right?!