"Fuck it." The General said, as the alien mother-ship came in to land. "Summon Cthulhu."
You are an Elder God, older than time, beyond the knowledge of man. Yet, in some tiny corner of the infinite omniverse and beyond, on a little blue ball, you find yourself content as a caretaker and guardian of some poor lesser being. You do enjoy being called "a good boy."
Humans show Aliens their depictions of them. The Aliens stumble backwards, terrified. “You know of the old ones.”
The galaxy is actually full of life and advanced civilizations. Everyone just leaves Earth alone because that's where The Great Old Ones are imprisoned, and nobody wants to wake them up.
You've been magically gifted the ability to speak all languages. Anything you say comes out in the first language of whoever you're looking at. One day, you try to greet someone on the street and they gape in horror as ancient, unknowable eldritch sounds exit your mouth. The ground shakes...
American submarines are never considered lost. The ones missing from WWII are “still on patrol” with their hundreds of sailors. Little do we know the horrors these men defend us from in the deeps.
You wake up in a destroyed underground lab after 5,000 years of cryogenic stasis. When you reach the surface, you find that the race that replaced humans views you as a hyperintelligent and highly dangerous Eldritch Abomination.
An eldritch horror considers you their best friend. By virtue of you being able to perceive their true form and not going insane. One day they ask how you became so jaded, that not even indescribable cosmic horror phases you.
It turns out that all housecats are actually lovecraftian monsters. Due to an ancient pact with humans, however, they will never use their powers for earthly offense. Against otherworldy invaders, however, they have no such restrictions.
You are a fresh junior researcher at NASA. While out for drinks with your new boss, you jokingly ask her why NASA hasn't explored the ocean with its resources. She turns pale and leans in close, then whispers, "We have. Why do you think we want to leave the planet so badly?"
When bloody rain began to fall over most of the earth, many religious leaders began to proclaim the end times were upon us. Then corpses came crashing down, identified as Zeus, Odin, Osiris, and Jesus of Nazareth, and we realized it was so much worse.
Everyone summoned some relativly normal familiars and even some extremely rare ones were summoned. But who cares about a dragon or hydra when your axolotl is telling you cosmic knowledge beyond human comprehension.
It's been publicly confirmed that our galaxy is within the open maw of a massive galaxy-eating beast. The beast can't move faster than light, so it'll take hundreds of millions of years for it to finally bite down. This is something that humans will just have to live with
The thing about Cosmic horrors beyond human comprehension is that if you try to comprehend it you'll go insane. But if you name it "squid face gary" and take it only at face value you'll do just fine. If it's beyond human understanding, just don't understand it!
Aliens arrive at Earth, and inform us that our solar system must regretfully be processed into rocks to throw at the invasion of the Outer Gods that has been ongoing for billions of years. “Well, why don’t you let us take a crack at it for a hundred years or so? What’ve you got to lose?”
You just learned that the eldritch monstrosity haunting your dream has in fact "just" mistaken you for its young, and is trying to parent you in its own inscrutable ways.
There is a company run by an ethereal cosmic horror entity that likes to torment it’s mortal employees by asking impossible tasks of them. However, there is one employee that somehow completes every task.
After years of searching, you finally unearthed a long lost and buried crypt covered in warnings of maddening knowledge beyond mortal comprehension. Unfortunately, "knowledge beyond mortal comprehension" was a much lower bar five thousand years ago.
Several years ago, you thought your girlfriend was joking when she told you she was actually an Elder Goddess, the Mother of Abominations. Now you are a proud stepparent to her vast brood of unspeakable offspring.
The God of Knowledge has reincarnated, the scholars are celebrating. Problem is the small god floods those around it with an uncontrollable surge of eldritch knowledge that none amongst the scholars can withstand. You are the least-curious man in the world, and you've been called to babysit.
An Eldritch horror hires a group of adventurers to destroy every cult that tried to summon it.
Standing at the altar, with tears in your eyes you say “I do.” The cultists and the thing they summoned are visibly confused
Your girlfriend is a were-god. That is, every full moon she transforms into an eldritch horror of unimaginable power. So far, you are the only one that has stuck around.
The ancient abomination layed its tentacle over your forehead. Finally, after all the perils and dangers suffered, the secrets of the universe would be revealed to you. It digs the tip of its tentacle into your brain and it appears...Never Gonna Give You Up Official Video plays on your mind.
People on the autism spectrum are resistant to completely immune to eldritch knowledge's sanity degradation effect due to their brains being "properly attuned" to recieve and process it.
A mindreader accidentally read the mind of an incomprehensible being whose thoughts and mind are rumored to lead mortals into insanity, and finds that this is actually not the case by a longshot.
"Dad, I'm-""An edlritch abomination beyond my understanding,yes yes, cool. Groovy. You are still going to therapy.""...I hate this family!"
You encountered an eldritch being as a kid, but instead of being creeped out, you gave them food. Since then, they have followed you everywhere, never leaving your side, and they also eat all your food.
"Well, they looked like kittens when I found them in a box on the side of the road. How was I supposed to know they'd grow up into eldritch horrors? What? No, they don't eat souls; that's ridiculous."
Your cult spent years worshipping an ancient horror without seeing any results, finally after moving to another one, your old idol sends you a message: "You up?"
„Why are all the sunflowers turning away from the sun?“ „What ever that thing is, it isn’t the sun anymore!!“
Your girlfriend is actually a eldritch horror. The tentacles are good and all but she has to suppress her innate reality warping and sanity breaking abilities but she looses control when she reaches climax.
You stand near the ocean to summon Cthulhu, but the odd smell of chicken fills in the air. There Cthulhu was... baked and broiled and fried... but still alive. What in the world happened to him...?!
"Hi, I was told to meet here to apply for a job. Is this the secret organization that contains and studies cosmic horrors?" "No, that's the next city over. This place deals with cosmic eroticism."
The many deities of the multiverse consider the insular gods of Earth their Lovecraftian abominations. The one rule these gods all agree with and stick to is to never gain the Earth gods' interests or ires. One god has broken this rule by abducting an Earthling to be their hero. Panic ensues.
The universe is so, so big. But it cares. It cares so much about us. Us, we tiny, less than insignificant things. I can't help but feel horrified by that thought.
When an obscure cult overthrew the kingdom, everyone expected a reign of terror. Turns out the King in Yellow is pretty good at his job.
A pun so bad as to cause the mind of an eldritch horror to recoil in agony.
Turns out that the Eldritch Horror melts people's minds in order to get happy, docile and obedient fuck dolls for them and their friends.
Fertility gods are a pain - or perhaps a pleasure, depending - to deal with. Eldritch ones even more so
An eldritch abomination decides to check out humanity in the form of a peppy theatre kid girl. The theatre crew start to suspect something's not quite right with her.
Artisans and magical scholars insist the enchanted armor piece that she found is both powerful and totally safe. But when she puts it on, it bonds with her, and she begins to hear its inner eldritch voice demanding to be fed... and it hungers for only one thing.