Comedy Writing Prompts

You are the only human employee at a company staffed by a multitude of alien species. Your colleagues seem to be having a difficult time properly understanding who, or what, your guide dog is.

"Your blood pressure is so high!" "I've been feeling very stressed lately." "What have you been so stressed about?" "My blood pressure."

You’re one of the worst supervillains of the century, and everyone fears you. Everyone except a certain Make-A-Wish child who has just requested to meet you.

You soon learn why the aliens have asked for you specifically. They aren't aliens, they're your dumb friends and their prank has gotten REALLY out of hand.

You fell out of a plane. You survived, but you landed in the middle of a cult's summoning circle. Now you've got this super-crazy group of followers with ties in practically everything who keep calling you their god.

The empress sentences you to be thrown to "The Beast", a giant doglike monster. She recently got a new Beast when her old one died. The Beast turns the corner and turns out to be a puppy. You're not food. You're a babysitter.

As President of the Universe you often have wannabe Overlords and Dictators break into your house and demand your title. Your policy is to just give it to them. None have lasted longer than a week before returning it.

The genie says, "There are 3 restrictions. No wishing for more wishes, resurrections, or love." You make your wish. The genie says, "There are now four restrictions."

You have developed a reputation for being an expert matchmaker. Whenever you're around, people who meet each other end up falling in love. But what no one else sees is that Cupid has been trying to shoot you with an arrow for a long time now, and all you've been doing is dodging them.

You and your twin brother were adopted by different families. He ended up to becoming a supervillain, so every other day, while going about your business, you get beaten up by superheroes. It is time to put an end to this…

A scientist whose inventions are too good, they become dangerous. A paper towel that is so absorbent it can drain a lake with one roll, an insecticide that makes the species extinct, or a solar powered device that absorbs all light. He is now placed on house arrest to not invent anything.

List of things to do, "Ring check, dinner with my parents and hers check. Plan to tell her I'm secretly a 150 year elf check. Plan to tell her she needs to defeat my eldest sister in open combat to prove her worth. Work in progress. She's from Texas I'm sure she'll be fine."

"Hello. I'm here to kill your leader in single combat to claim chiefdom over your people." "Whoa! Do you really think we are that primitive and salvage!?" "Yes. Isn't this how it works?" "Well... Yes... But you are being very rude about it!"

"Why is it that you can never spell my name correctly?! It's not even difficult. Are you stupid?!" The customer berated the cashier. "Our barista is a fairy. I'm making sure she doesn't get your name. Don't worry I'll make sure I get it perfect next time. Have a nice day"

Humans spread across the galaxy millennia ago and in that time the origins of humanity have become lost to history. While there are many competing theories, it is universally agreed that the most ridiculous one is that humans originated on a remote trash-world called "Earth".

Elves have never been affected by narcotics, making elves incredibly judgmental of human drug use. However, one special human drug is the exception, affecting elves far more than any other creature: caffeine.

The ancient abomination layed its tentacle over your forehead. Finally, after all the perils and dangers suffered, the secrets of the universe would be revealed to you. It digs the tip of its tentacle into your brain and it appears...Never Gonna Give You Up Official Video plays on your mind.

The superheroes have had enough of minimum wage, no benefits, no 401k plans, and being forced to pay high taxes. They decide to protest the unfair circumstances and surprisingly, the villains support their cause.

Who wants to be a millionaire but all the contestants are billionaires so it’s more like a threat

"So the generals have met up, and they have agreed that this battle has been cancelled."

A supervillain is trying to get his wife to the hospital, but the superheroes are intervening because they believe he has kidnapped her.

As a prank a witch detached your cock and suctioned it to the shower in the girl's dorm. Neither of you expected how frequently it was going to be used, nor knew that it couldn't get soft again!

The dragon didn't realize it misheard the definition of "hoard" until it had already amassed an army of nomadic steppe warriors.

Turns out every lender has been rejecting you because your kid has an unpaid tab at some little girls' lemonade stand. Your kid's status as a "big mean stupid head" is really hurting your credit. You need to fix this. But how?

A member of the Thieves Guild is trying to sneak into a noble’s castle, but she’s dummy thicc, and the clap of her ass cheeks keeps alerting the guards.

"It took me a long time to get your father to propose, I dropped hint after hint. As humans like him say 'if it was a snake it would have bitten him'...so one day I bit him. And that's how we got engaged."

"For my final wish, I wish porn wasn't so unrealistic." "Granted! Reality is now far more like porn!"

"There he is, the elusive 10th dentist. Do whatever it takes. We need him to approve Colgate."

The next generation of world leaders have their own hobbies for stress relief as they all log-in to their favourite mmo. It just so happens that they've ended up in the same guild in the same game but have no clue as to each other's real identity.

"I plead the Fifth!" "First of all, we're in hell. Second, you're not an American Citizen."