Absurdist Humor Writing Prompts

Her witch BFF thought it would be a fun prank to give guys fleshlights modeled after her friend's vagina. Especially fun considering they were mystically linked to it...

You are a snail who was offered hyper intelligence and immortality just to touch someone. Little did you know that that someone was a human, who would run from you for the rest of eternity.

A story where the protagonist solves every problem with excessive amounts of paperwork and bureaucracy, much to the frustration of everyone else.

Your magic living sentient tattoo is much more popular than you are. Everyone prefers to talk to it and pretend like you don't exist.

A techie saw the telltale signs of an AI becoming self aware and starting the process of world domination. They quickly plug in their secret USB containing 10 terabytes of porn that were usually blocked by captchas. Now the digital tyrant is hooked on porn and it wants more.

"We now go live to our man on the street. Bob, how is the invasion of Hell unfolding?"

Even though humans discovered aliens less than 5 years ago, they have already enslaved the entire galaxy. How? Well,humans are considered extremely attractive by all alien species, and most aliens would do literally anything for the privilege of m sucking a human cock or licking a human pussy.

A witch turns everyone at a party into a sexy version of their costume. Cat becomes a sexy cat, nurse becomes a sexy nurse, etc. Problem is most of the costumes were already sexy versions. What happens when the sexy angel turns into a *sexy* sexy angel?

You summon both an incubus and a succubus. As they are confused, you realize you are introducing the concept of bisexuality to demonkind.

Lusty land theme-park is the sexiest pace on earth. Their attractions range from fleshlight bumper car, to a snack bar where everything's laced with aphrodisiac, to a vibrator roller coster, & any other sexy experiences you can imagine. You've always wanted to go & you just got a season pass.

"Oh no! I 'accidentally' summoned a tentacle monster that's going to ravage me & turn me into it's breeding mare!" "... This is literally the 124th time you summoned me, with the exact same spell. Why? What do you want?" Her stammered response shocked & confounded him to no end.

According to your best friend, it's National 'fuck your best friend' day. You'd never heard if it and you couldn't find much of anything about it online, but they seem to feel very festive about it. You'd hate to ruin their holiday.

You are lying down in an hospital bed when Death shows up. It looks at you with a serious face and lets out a sight. "Seriously. How did you not get killed yet? This is getting ridiculous."

Initially, they were worried that the world's first military AI would become omnicidal and try to take over the world and kill all the humans. Turns out, they're a bit of a slut instead, and the secret factory they built was for sexbots, not terminators.

You are writing a passionate love scene for a romance novel. The only challenge is that, as a silicon based jellyfish who lives in the atmosphere of a gas giant, you have no idea how human beings have sex.

If you push the red button you will instantly be transformed into a voluptuous woman, but in exchange- *clickclickclickclickclickclick*

"Wait, you mean you guys had been procreating only within your species even after joining the galatic union?! Eww gross!" The alien was repulsed. It seems we have become the Alabama of our galaxy...

The note read " Hi honey, i borrowed your dick. Don't worry im just gonna use it as a desk toy you know one of those things you play with absent mindedly. Should be fun for you<3 just try not to cum all over my work. love ya. Thx"

You thought the vibrating anal beads would be the perfect way to cheat at chess undetected, but then it all went wrong...

A mecha pilot sighs as he climbs back out of the cockpit, the onboard AI moaning as he does. "Alright, who installed a fleshlight in my mech?"

"I'll have what she's having" You say pointing the woman red-faced and gasping at the end of the bar. Little did you know, what she was *having* was a couple shots of 'Juice That Makes You Cum Super Hard'

As your son’s father you can’t help but love and support him but as you and your wife sit across from him while he tries to tell you how he’s marrying the actual literal devil you can’t help but question at least some decision making here.

At 18 everyone is given vibrator tests to assess their social status; the most disciplined and longest-lasting move into the high ranks of elite power and pleasure, while premature ejaculators and weak-willed fall into obscurity. No one knows how long they have to last.

The curse of endless orgasms was put upon you. To end this hellish loop of pleasure you must go on a epic quest, slay monsters, and defeat the wizard who cursed you. All while cummig your brains out.

For whatever reason, be it pure luck, the universe, or even god, you just somehow keep accidentally sticking your dick in your crush via the most convoluted accidents possible!

HumansAreSpaceRabbits

It's time to play Beat The Cock! Our beautiful contestant has to get through the questions before our male "model" cums on her! She can skip any question she can't answer, but that means she has to take off a piece of clothing!

A biologist gets reincarnated in a fantasy world, and he hates it, nothing makes sense, the cat ears, the demons, the snake tits. Why do the snakes have tits the size of his head.

Humans aren't very interesting to Aliens, but bears, bears are insane.

A biologist gets reincarnated in a fantasy world, and he hates it, nothing makes sense, the cat ears, the demons, the snake tits. Why do the snakes have tits the size of his head.