Absurdist Humor Writing Prompts

You thought the sign was a joke. But, it really did say Shoplifters will be prostituted

Satan accidentally sent an angel a dick pic.

"Well, there's only one way to know for sure." The man said as he carried the anvil to the roof.

A hedonistic goddess who hasn’t visited Earth in many decades discovers all the new sex toys she's been missing out on.

Entering an abandoned studio, you realized that the place is haunted and you’re now trapped in a classic tv show. You can’t remember how long you’ve been trapped, but you got a plan to escape. You’re going to change the show’s rating to take it off the air by turning it into a porno.

"Do her tits and ass get bigger?" "No." "Does she turn into a monster?" "No.." "Is she an angel or demon?" "Er... no." "DO WE SWAP BODIES!?" "Fraid not." "Ok, I give up. What makes her magical then?"

[Humor] [Incest] [Femdom] You're boyfriend's house for dinner. He says "Pass the salt, mommy". You, his mom, his big sister, his aunt, both his cousins, and the neigbor lady who's also visiting all reach for it.

The princess REALLY wants to be captured by a dragon.

"A new survey finds that 68% of respondents wish dinosaurs were still extinct or at least did not have access to laser weaponry."

"Stop telling people that I'm dead!" "But you are." "Yes, but I don't want people to know that!"

After a horrible raging war with extraterrestrials, you’ve been sent to negotiate with their terrible demands. Turns out, all they wanted was sand.

You are a dildo tester for a company that makes outrageous monster dildos. So many have been shoved up your pussy, ass, and mouth, that they decide to promote you. You will now test….the monsters they model the dildos off of!?

“So you are telling me the after life is a glorified zoo for souls?” “Correct, the difference being the paradise afterlives are better maintained.”

A supervillain with the power to manipulate sex drive. An entire city brought to their knees by their own base instinct. You are their hero, Celibate Man.

The cute assistant is apologetic as she leads you to the conference room. "Thank you for coming, but there's been some delays. Can I get you anything while you wait? Tea? Coffee? Blowjob?"

A magical student gets in over her head experimenting with portal panties...

You are the sentient magical sword of The Legendary Hero that once saved the kingdom. But your master passed away years ago, so you decide to do what all great heroes of legend do after retiring: you open a tavern.

For a Goddess that has modesty as one of her virtues, she ironically wears pretty much no clothing. At least the look on her face when you told her that was absolutely priceless.

A regular doctor (or nurse) was isikai-ed into PORNLANDIA! Several months later and they're regarded as a miracle worker thanks to their "just crazy enough to work" approach to medicine: Actually treating the patient

The zombie apocalypse arrived, but the undead don’t ‘devour’ people they way you thought they would. Now a horde of zombie girls won’t stop shouting lewd things at you from your base

Attention visitors. Several aggressively affectionate monster girls have broken out of their pens and are now rampaging and cuddling through the zoo. Please remain calm, and if a stacked monster mommy approaches do NOT try to run from us... I mean them.

Horny as hell but low on cash? Head down to the Learner's Brothel to get serviced by hookers in training, free of charge!

In a world of supers, people’s powers often came in when they turned 18. The powers lily got though were…not what she was expecting. She was gifted with perfect thighs, and the ability to heal people by squishing them between them, but it only works if she’s bottomless.

A magical student gets in over her head experimenting with portal panties...

"On today's news: Chaos continues after a major software glitch lead Handy Helper home assistance robots nationwide to begin violently attacking Tiny Maid Robots, their main competitor. Journey Enterprises, maker of the Handy Helper robot, has yet to make a statement on the situation."

Humanity has been 'affected' by a strange new development. Whenever someone is about to say something stupid, they suddenly become insanely sexually aroused in an effort to distract them from what they were about to say. Surprisingly, it works quite well, but it's a real effort.

You’ve made several Pinky Promises over the years. However, once you broke your pinky, all those promises are now null and void.

Turns out that horny Christmas list you made when you were fifteen was just cooking till now. Santa left a lot of great gifts this year.

A being of pure chaos meets a being of pure order. The first words said between them? “Wanna be friends?”

You are a Hitman. The job has gotten stale, so you decide to kill your next few targets in the most ridiculous, nonsensical, convoluted ways you can think of.