Comedy Writing Prompts

You know how old humans will become set in their ways? Obstinate and reluctant to embrace new things? Old elves have the exact same problem, but they've got orders of magnitude longer lifespans.

Your scientist co-worker has found an alien relic containing immense power and tries to convince you to help them harness it. What they didn't count on was your excessive consumption of media warning you against this very thing.

“No,” the beautiful goth woman said, “I am not the witch. You want the brightly-dressed himbo next door; he’s the actual witch you’re looking for. He’ll take care of all your witchy needs.”

The cursed dagger craves blood. But no crazy cults or evil assassins can offer anywhere near as much of it as a lowly hard-working butcher.

You, a D-list villain, like to make sure that all the kid superheroes you fight study, so you weave bits of their lessons into your evil schemes.

When you were a kid, you were granted the power to read minds. You used it to learn from the smartest students in your class. Now, you decide to use it on the dumbest student in your class. It moves so quickly you can’t understand what they are thinking.

As a toy maker in your village, you've never thought about security. On a lark, you created an toy that says "State your business" when someone walks in. One night robbers come in. When prompted, they kick over the anamatronic.While lying on the floor, it says "Ah, so you have chosen death"

This is the third time in a row the monster you were wooing has turned into a prince(ss). Good for them and all, but you're starting to feel like you'll never find someone who's your... "type".

First contact is established with an intelligent alien species. Oddly, they find humans adorable, and compulsively want to pet them. This wouldn't normally be a deal breaker per-se- they're a gentle and sensitive species... its just that they happen to be giant 12 legged spider creatures.

You got trapped inside your favorite video game. This isn’t really a problem, since you’re so familiar with it. It is, however, a problem for your parents, who got trapped with you.

The villain teleports behind the hero. "Nothing personal, kiddo". The hero also knows flash step and teleports behind the villain. The villain teleports behind the hero again. The hero does the same...things escalate.

As part of a newly established student exchange program between the realms, a dwarf student arrives at a human STEM college. He's about to attend his first computer science class. "This should be easy," he thinks, "how complicated can human technology possibly be?"

You just learned that the eldritch monstrosity haunting your dream has in fact "just" mistaken you for its young, and is trying to parent you in its own inscrutable ways.

The Monster Hunter Association specializes in the eradication and containment of monsters. They’ve been doing this for centuries all the way back to King Arthur. You work as the secretary to this fine organization. Oddly enough, you’re also a vampire.

The first thing aliens translated were the works of H. P. Lovecraft. Now all the aliens are freaking out.

Your daughter has always been weird, but lately it's gotten worse. She keeps going on about not having a smartphone or bored because there's no internet. It's 1685 AD.

In an exclusive global televised sit-down interview with Superman, he corrects Cooper Anderson's referencing Superman's Christianity; "Actually, Anderson, I'm not Christian, I worship the Sun, the source of my super powers."

The abductors looked at their young captive, astonished at their calm, almost pitying, expression. "I have 15 siblings. I am the youngest, and the only boy/girl. You have absolutely no concept of how fucked you are."

You're secretly a werewolf, with so much control over your were-form you're basically just yourself. You've grown so close to your roommate that you decide it's safe to transform in front of them. You expect shock, horror. Instead, they whip out a fursuit.

Feeling adventurous, you decided to try crossbreeding two specific vegetables to see what would happen. Now, sitting in an interrogation room at an undisclosed location staring at very concerned men in black, you are about to learn why it's never been done before.

After a series of mutual misunderstandings during First Contact, a young human military officer has found themself accidentally married to an alien princess.

You're supposed to be the god of death, so naturally, it's a bit awkward when the rest of the gods find out you're expecting a child.

“9/10 dentists approve” is worse than you may think. With 200 million dentists in the US, it means 20 million fully qualified individuals want you to stop using the product branded with this phrase-20 million people who know the truth.

"Our enemy is too strong to face head on. We'll have to use gorilla warfare." "Sir, do you mean guerrilla warfare?" "No."

Everyone thought when Gaia made herself known to the world with the intention of suing every corporation which had polluted in the past century that the corporations would easily win. They after all had the best lawyers on Earth. Gaia alternatively had brought her most litigious Fae...

"Kid, I don't care if your the 'Chosen One' or that you need 'to Level Up', this is a nature reserve. You can't walk in and start killing innocent wildlife. You're being arrested."

"This is insane, I'm not paying this. And what is your name!?", the Faye screams at you, tearing up the forms. You pull out a second copy and hand them over. "No one escapes the IRS, not even residents of the Fayewild. Now we can do this the easy way or the hard way.", you say to them.

There is a company run by an ethereal cosmic horror entity that likes to torment it’s mortal employees by asking impossible tasks of them. However, there is one employee that somehow completes every task.

You're an oath-keeper, your god will whisper you the names of those paladins who have broken their oaths, and you slay them. But you awoke at night to an incomprehensibly long list of names, after an hour it said " fuck it, all the paladins have broken their oath, slay them all"

After years of searching, you finally unearthed a long lost and buried crypt covered in warnings of maddening knowledge beyond mortal comprehension. Unfortunately, "knowledge beyond mortal comprehension" was a much lower bar five thousand years ago.