Comedy Writing Prompts

When you made a wish to the genie to become fireproof, you expected to become "immune to fire", not "immune to getting fired".

You've just learned of the exact date of your death, and no matter how hard you try to die before said time you somehow miraclously survive. So to make use of this "gift" you decide to try and become the world's greatest stuntman

In a world where every human has a unique superpower, yours is largely laughed at. The ability to untangle anything has come in handy for untying shoelaces until you discover a new way of using your power that makes you formidable against your former superiors.

Apparently human blood has about the same amount of protein as the average protein shake. You just met Dracula at the local gym and he. is. absolutely. ripped.

The lawyer paces the courtroom. "Look at my client," He says. "He became an unaging immortal at the age of 12. He graduated college long before any of us were born! He has a 20 greats grandnephew! Why do child labor laws prohibiting 12 year olds from getting jobs still apply to him?!"

The dragon doesn’t kidnap villagers because he’s going to eat them. He’s just got really bad social anxiety and doesn’t know any other ways of making friends.

It's not uncommon for wizards to give their children unnecessarily complicated and strange names. Why? The more ridiculous the baby's name, the more magically gifted it will be.

The scariest phrase that can come out of a Human's mouth is "Makes sense, that's how i'd do it"

An elf absolutely nerds out over human technology, especially weaponry. When he's shipped off to experience it firsthand, he's no less excited.

You are a snail who has one goal, to hunt down an immortal who was given $1 million, ending their life with a touch. It has been 125 years. You have no idea where your target is or how to reach them.

All throughout your life you've saved the life of the same person again and again. You eventually began joking that you are their guardian angel. When you died and entered heaven you were surprised to see them being berated by an angel. Apparently they were supposed to be *your* guardian angel.

Your superpower is "epic fail". Whatever you attempt to accomplish, it always fails in the most spectacular manner possible. You thought it was a curse, until you finally realized how to control it, and now, no one can stop you.

“Death , for my life I challenge you to a duel , I’ll beat you with chess” Death sighed at the man , everyone tried the same thing , and every time they lose and beg for forgiveness, hadn’t he been forced to accept the offers he would “Yea sure , and by the wait it’s *at ches-*” *WHACK*

After months, the villain finds the hero, but upon arriving at his home, he discovers the hero in a stained robe, baby food splattered, huge dark circles under his eyes, and a non-stop crying baby. The only thing the hero says is, "My wife left me."

"General! What did I tell you about giving a bored human a screwdriver?" *sigh* "Not unless you want a pile of scrap where your spaceship used to be, with a proud-looking human sitting nearby." "And what did you do?" "I gave the bored human Corporal a screwdriver."

Due to a glitch in the system, whenever you lift a heavy object you gain 1 point in Intelligence instead of Strength. Reading a book, however, gives you 1 point in Intelligence as well.

You're an enchanted suit of armor, completely hollow on the inside. After gaining sentience, you left your haunted keep & began to adventure. As you gain notoriety across the land, making friends & connections, it gets harder to keep it a secret that there's nothing behind your visor.

When the king's army drafted you, you planned on faking your death in battle and waiting for a chance to return home. You were so good at fighting that you never got the chance and just kept getting promoted.

"I am sorry, he named it WHAT!?" Said Oedipus before storming towards the afterlife that houses Sigmund Freud

An enemy nation has come to steal the royals child as ransom. Here’s the thing, they got things mixed up and stole your kid… you’re the royal necromancer.

'When you get to hell, tell them I sent you!' And when you come to in the fiery wastelands, you tell the bored demon at the gate exactly who killed you. He drops his drink and sputters. All the other demons gasp. Somewhere in the distance, an alarm sounds

Rule 12 of the Official Evil Villain Rulebook™ states that "One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that they spot will be corrected." You, as the local villain you decide to do just that. It soon turns out your plans have quite a few flaws in them.

“you do realize you’re just a trophy husband right?” “I’m married to a deity why the hell do you care?” You responded.

All of your siblings, papart from you, have attended a prestigious wizarding school. Now, after all these years, they're back in your "regular" world... and don't even know how an oven works.

It turns out hell isn’t just for humans.. it’s for all species across the galaxy. Fortunately for you, it seems they have no idea how humans work, or what they find painful.

"Sir I must inform you that you are in possession of an illegal and forbidden item. Please hand it over immediately." You look around your storage room filled to the brim with illegal and forbidden items from all sorts of dimensions and realities.

When his champion returned after many years, proudly spouting off his many accomplishments, the God could only stare, dumbfounded. "What the hell do you mean you saved the world? You were supposed to destroy it!"

When the alien crew learned that humans will go practically insane and be willing to eat anything or anyone when left without food for too long. It led to aliens frantically trying to feed the human crewmate whenever they said they were hungry

"I am the Lorax; I speak for the trees. And for some fucking reason, they're speaking Vietnamese."

Every full moon you must chain yourself indoor and hide. Not because you're a Werewolf, your entire hidden village is actually. No, its because you're a freak, a monster, an embarassment... you're a Werepug.