Comedy Writing Prompts

Everyone has the Mega Man-like ability to steal another person's most valuable trait by defeating them in battle. You have the world's most valuable trait - incredible, inexplicable dumb luck - and you've won thousands of battle without even knowing you were fighting.

A novice priest is performing an exorcism. The demon really wants out. The lonely possessed person doesn't want to let his only companion go. The demon is trying to coach the priest while the possessed person tries to interfere with the rite.

"I like adventurous guys," she says with stars in her eyes. Your date is the most beautiful woman you've ever met. In a panic, you buy last-minute plane tickets to a small Balkan country. Your plan - a short tour visit, overthrow the local government, and win her heart.

You pick up painting to impress a crush, but secretly hate it. Two years later you’re engaged to your crush and you have to keep up the facade- and a popular art gallery now wants to feature your work. Suddenly you’re very famous for your work and you still. hate. painting.

Many centuries ago your ancestor angered a witch who cursed him and his family with misfortune for 100 generations. You are a child of the 101st generation and the universe is trying its hardest to compensate.

On your deathbed you confide to your nurse the fact that you were a serial killer who got away with your crimes. "Me too," She replies wryly.

Your brother has been hearing the voice of God for years. His large following of believers and unorthodox teachings have brought an era of peace, which makes it all the harder to confess you've been pranking him.

"Every 5000 years, the Dark Lord comes to destroy the world, and only you, the Chosen One can stop him." -said the priest. "So, do I need to get a magic sword from the Lady of the Lake?" - I asked "No, just press this button please, everything else has already been taken care of"

You are in no way related to Uther Pendragon, however, you realize that the sword in the stone is child proof and to drag it out you just need to push down and turn the sword

One day, every city that shares a name has a portal open up, connecting them all with each other. Paris, Texas has a great time with it, and many cities celebrate their new neighbors. You, however, live in Hell, Michigan, and things are starting to get strange.

As a fan of Greek Mythology you've always wanted to climb Mount Olympus. Though you know you won't find much, a selfie at the top would be pretty neat. But when you arrive, you see a bunch of tents and an old man trying to heat some baked beans. "Stupid lightning never listens to me anymore!"

You and your crack team enter the bank. You shout, "THIS IS A BANK ROBBERY. EVERYBODY PUT YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM!" a cheer erupts from the employees. Balloons and confetti fall from the ceiling and a sign drops with the words: Congratulations! You are our 1,000,000th Bank Robbery.

You're a cleaner for a famous assassin. You just found out it is your spouse. This infuriates you not because of the secrets or killing, but because you've been cleaning up after your spouse at home and at their work all this time.

The ritual calls for 100 sacrifices, but reading carefully you realize it never specified they had to be human. Deciding to be a smartass, you got a petri dish full of bacteria and sacrificed that instead.

In a world where lying doesn't exist, you are the worst supervillain: Technically True Man.

You sold your soul to the devil, but now that you're dead, Apple is suing the devil for the soul they own as part of their terms of service.

A sniper and a photographer meet in a bar, neither aware of the other's occupation. They talk about 'how to take the perfect shot'.

You are a long forgotten god. A small girl leaves a piece of candy at your shrine, and you awaken. Now, you must do everything to protect your High Priestess, the girl, and her entire kindergarten class, your worshipers.

You’re a hitman who’s “hits” survive your assassination attempts, despite your sincere best efforts, only to die soon after each attempt by comical forces outside your control. The hitman community can’t be convinced you’re not the most creative comically effective assassin alive.

"Shark Tank" but instead of an entrepreneur pitching inventions, it's villains pitching diabolical plots.

Humanity makes first contact with an alien species who are studying the life of the galaxy. When they ask to hear about our religions we offhandedly mention the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as a joke and they reply by saying “no, we want to know your myths not your science.”

You are a parent in an anime. Your child is born with epic anime hair, and you are certain they will become the protagonist. You are determined to not become a tragic back story like so many other anime parents.

Heaven and Hell do exist after death but you can choose in which you go. You jokingly choose Hell and when you arrive there, you hear Satan saying: "Finally someone! A friend!"

The world’s first sentient AI has fallen in love, and as magazines and female talk shows coo over the strangely romantic news, the Air Force watches nervously while their advanced nuclear response network blushes from flowers and dancing.

Seeing success with the purchase of Marvel and now Fox, The Walt Disney Company announces it's next major acquisition: The Catholic Church.

You, a villain, heart set on taking over the world, kidnapped the hero’s sidekick. You find out that you are treating them much better than the hero was and decide to take them under your wing.

A creature that eats emotions met you, and was horrified when it tasted your chronic depression. Today marks its 24th attempt to cure you with seasoning.

One night, something grabs your hand as it hangs off the edge of the bed. You give it a firm handshake. "You're hired," it whispers.

Every year, the richest person in America is declared the "Winner of Capitalism." They get a badge. Then all of their wealth is donated to charity and they have to start over at $0.

On one hand, you're average at everything. On the other hand, you're average at EVERYTHING.