Comedy Writing Prompts

You’ve been kidnapped by the SCP foundation. Why? You have the ability to ‘Mr. Magoo’ yourself out of anything. Sniper about to assassinate you? You bend down to pick up a penny just in time, SCP-049 about to touch you? A Sudden cannonball knocks them away. All with you being none the wiser.

Drunkenly, you accidentally pour vodka into your pet's water bowl. As a result, your pet breaks the number one rule: do not speak to your owner... Ever.

Turns out, Earth is actually unique in the fact that nearly all of it's natural features, like quicksand, and processes, like earthquakes, can kill you. Most other planets dont do that. So when aliens invade, 90% of the fighting is done by Earth.

You are a spiritual null. Werewolves and vampires can't turn you, fairy lights hold no charm, and you can stare at a medusa all day. This makes you the ultimate..... fantasy lawyer.

As a prank, you ordered something off the menu in a restaurant. Unbeknownst to you, the place is actually a front and you have just identified yourself as a top level agent.

Log 2543: We have landed on the planet known as Earth and have made contact with an inhabitant. They call themselves “Benjamin” and are 5 Earth cycles in age. He wished to engage in an activity known as “hide and seek”. We cannot find him now. Requesting aid.

Elon Musk is convinced that we live in a simulation, so he constructs the largest cluster bomb in history and sets it off in space. For the first time, MilkyWay.exe lags.

Hello, this is Lockpicking Lawyer. I was put into a high security prison for nuking multiple major cities across the world. However, this high security prison cell door has an INEXCUSABLE design flaw. Here’s how I’m going to open it with the zipper I broke off of my jumpsuit.

You have all the advantages, and disadvantages, of a video game hero. You can punch out elemental gods, but you cannot open a locked box. You can suplex a battleship, but a child can block you from walking down a hallway. You backflip-dodge bullets, but you can't jump over knee-high fences.

In another universe, Bob Ross is a renowned chef who travels the globe giving good advice to troubled restaurants, and Gordon Ramsay is a famous painter with the angriest art show on TV.

You’re a seemingly normal, non-religious human being. Death for some reason, desperately wants you off this Earth. Satan however, wants you no where near Hell. Every freak accident meant to kill you, is countered by an even freakier “miracle” to keep you alive.

You die in your girlfriends arms after saving her from a careless driver. Suddenly you wake up in your bed, completely healed and your clothes fixed. You look over and see death sitting at your desk. “Okay hear me out,” it says. “I’ve been playing this video game, and I wanna try something...”

In World War II, an American battalion has an enlisted dog that serves as their mascot. Throughout the war, the dog has been "promoted" several times. However, after a devastating defeat, the soldiers suddenly find that the dog is the highest-ranking surviving officer.

You were forced to swap bodies with the biggest nerd in school who knowingly did it. Instead of demanding your body back, you decide to teach the nerd some self worth by becoming the most popular person in school in the nerd's body

Your mother was a Centaur, your father; a Minotaur. You are a horse, but with human intelligence. The recent crime spree? Definitely not you, no one ever suspects the horse.

A medieval village makes a human sacrifice to a werewolf that lives in the woods every year. This year they picked you, which is very awkward considering you're the werewolf.

One morning everyone in the world wakes up in their 18-year old body, memories intact. Society tries to continue as normal despite the change, but a world full of energetic adolescents certainly has its quirks.

You are an ice dragon who has been asleep for thousands of years. You are awakened by a group of tiny humans who promise you an unfathomable amount of wealth. They call themselves "Microsoft" and ask that allow them to move a large number black boxes into the unnatural chill of your lair.

The four horsemen: Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death are the harbingers of the apocalypse, serving forth chaos and destruction on all humanity. The Bible forgot to mention the fifth horseman: Kyle, whom the other four can't seem to ditch.

You used to play a fantasy MMORPG that wasn't very popular, so you were able to take the simple name of 'Dave'. When you return to the game (now massively popular), you discover that there is now a Church of 'Dave'.

You; the game's hero, reach the end of your journey. The evil has been slain, the entire nation celebrates in the streets and now, the beautiful Princess you saved very publicly confesses her love and offers you her hand in marriage, thing is; you married the cute NPC who sold you potions.

Earth only has seasons because it’s tilted on its axis. An alien race from a planet without seasons lands on earth and begins their invasion. What they don’t realize is they’ve just landed in Russia, and winter is coming.

You gained immortality by absorbing thousands of souls. They have gotten used to it and act like Twitch chat watching a livestream of your life.

At age 21, you and your SO cast a strange love spell to swap bodies one day a week. 8 years later, your fiancee is really sick of you body swapping with your ex, but you don't know how to undo the spell.

All the Gods that humans have worshipped are in the middle of a meeting, when suddenly the doors slam open. Two new entities enter, a helix fossil and a being made of spaghetti and meatballs.

A stray dog happens to release a genie from it's lamp. The genie just wants to get the 3 wishes over with so it can go back to sleep, while the dog is just happy to have found a new friend.

A bard is kidnapped by orcs. At first the bard is terrified, however the orcs actually treat the bard with much more respect than any tavern full of drunks ever had. It seems the ability to sing and play instruments is extremely rare amongst orcs but even they love music.

One day, you jokingly look into your computer's webcam and tell the "NSA" to stop spying on you. Almost immediately, a message pops up on your screen saying: "Dude no way, we think you're fucking awesome."

To increase efficiency, God has uploaded the source code for Life, the universe and everything to GitHub. However, he forgot to set it as a private project and now people are auditing his code, filing bug reports and submitting patches. The kicker? Someone has been making mods.

They called you a madman for raiding the history museum during a zombie apocalypse. What they didn't expect was for full plate armour to be so effective.