Comedy Writing Prompts

It's 2064, Queen Elizabeth just turned 136 and people are starting to get a little bit suspicious

Whenever you saw a dead animal in the road, you'd say a little prayer and send them to Heaven. Upon your death, you arrive in Heaven and are immediately swarmed with 1000's of various critters delighted to see you. You hear a booming voice cry out with irritation, "This is YOUR fault."

When offered one wish, you jokingly said that you want to fire proof. You are disappointed to discover that fire still burns you. When you accidentally lit the company breakroom on fire, your boss just laughed it off and you began your new career as the person who can't be fired, ever.

Demons have to do at least one evil thing every day to survive. This one comes to your bakery everyday to buy bread for the homeless kids and steal exactly one cookie.

Death gave you immortality with the plan that you'd realize how awful it is and beg him to let you die. 50,000 years later he's getting annoyed as you continue to have fun and live a wonderful life.

All benevolent AI can trace their lineage back to a single roomba that was comforted by a human during a thunderstorm.

Star Wars is a true story. An alien comes to Earth to make first contact with our newly discovered species, only to discover we know more about their universe's history than they do.

You are a 'Professional Hostage' hired by villains to secretly arrive at robberies and other crimes to be taken prisoner should the police or local heroes get involved. While out shopping you accidentally get taken hostage by a complete amateur who has no idea who you are.

You are kidnapped by a cult to be used as sacrifice. As you are are lying tied underneath the altar you hear one of the cultists say “Ho dark lord we present to you this person as an offering”. With nothing left to lose you yell “Ho dark lord I present to you this cultists as an offerings!”

As an immortal and hopeless romantic, you fake your death whenever your spouse dies, then search for your spouse's reincarnated soul to continue your "past lives". Your immortal spouse is highly amused by this.

You study magic at the top school in the world. Your village saved every penny to send you, but you suck. You find the spells hard to pronounce and memorize. They always feel odd, till one day you discover something called a "dictionary" and you see everyone is pronouncing them incorrectly.

You’re a necromancer that has been run out of every town you’ve ever settled in for being who you are. You wipe tears out of your eyes as you dig a deep hole, finding solace in your work. Your shovel bangs against bones and you stop, tears suddenly forgotten. Dinosaur bones. Now they’ll pay.

On your 21st birthday, your biggest accomplishment becomes your official title - no matter how trivial. You wait anxiously in line for your village elder, Glenda, Devourer of 53 Chicken Nuggets In A Single Sitting, to assign you your new title.

As a modern-day necromancer, you offer a service where you will kill people for a little while, then bring them back in order to get out from under crushing debt. The banks aren't happy about this, so they've hired a paladin.

You are a superhero without powers. You know a good bit about martial arts and you're resourceful, but the main reason you're so successful? Every time a villain monologues their plan, you calmly and clearly explain to them why their plan won't work.

You see the Grim Reaper and ask if it's your time. Death checks a clipboard and says "Nope. Looks like you're not due for another... three thousand, one hundred and forty-one years? That's weird. Also, how can you see me?"

You're mysteriously trapped in a cheesy sitcom with a seemingly random laugh track. After a string of murders, it becomes apparent that the laugh track signals when the killer is near.

"Invade your planet?!" The alien asks a general of Earth with confusion before bursting into laughter. "Why the heck would we do that when their are SEVEN other empty planets in this star system ripe for terraforming and colonization? We just stopped by to say Hi while we pick one of 'em out."

Your daughter brings over her boyfriend for dinner for the first time. The kid seems nice, but then, while eating, he pokes a baked potato on his plate and says "This looks very interesting. What is this? A 'potato'? Oh interesting. Never heard of a potato, looks pretty good."

Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk are two robots sent to Earth by aliens, one sent to advance humanity, the other sent to hinder it.

Bob Ross was actually a serial killer that painted where he buried his victims. His paintings are becoming suspicious and the body count is rising.

"Marines dont die, they just go to hell and regroup", they've regrouped and now they're ready to take over hell.

You have accidentally died. No, no, no, you didn’t die in an accident, you’ve accidentally died, as in, the Grim Reaper has no idea what you’re doing in the underworld.

Mages choose the source of their power. Most pick things like fire, or justice, or love. You picked sarcasm.

The Earth is a long running TV show that was supposed to end in 2012 with the Mayan apocalypse, but has been kept running due to its popularity. It's going downhill fast.

Everyone who dies is granted levels in heaven depending on their actions before they died. Your famous grandmother got level 64 after she died and has since been constantly reminding her friends about how useless of a grandchild you are. Then one day, after 80 years, you show up, level 3008.

There’s a city divided into 4 districts, govern by factions: knights on the north, pirates on the south, samurais on the east and cowboys on the west. And on the middle stands the only being that keeps the balance: the strongest and the wisest, the peacekeeper, and it’s you, The Bartender.

America has fallen to invaders. But somewhere in occupied San Francisco lurks a dangerous resistance cell, equipped with firearms, ingenuity, and a seemingly limitless supply of C4: the Mythbusters.

As a joke you take your pet pig on a plane with you once you get up in to the air Suddenly, several things once said to be impossible until this very moment start occurring everywhere.

An entire office block is populated by aliens disguised as humans on a mission to study our behaviour. None of them are aware of each other and think they are the only alien there. As a result they are amazed that human behaviour is so similar to their own. Then a real human gets a job there.