Comedy Writing Prompts

The zombie apocalypse would have succeeded if the zombies didn't have to ask permission to enter every house.

An eldritch abomination decides to check out humanity in the form of a peppy theatre kid girl. The theatre crew start to suspect something's not quite right with her.

As human knowledge advanced we developed many different technologies capable of wiping humanity out. When the different apocalypses started all at once we were certain that it would be our end, but they all ended up cancelling each other out.

A realtor is tasked with selling what could be their largest and most extravagant "property", only to realize their client is a supervillain looking to retire selling his lair. They now have to advertise the features of the lair to a family during an open house.

Due to an unforeseen schedule conflict, several unrelated alien invasion fleets showed up for the conquest of Earth at the same time.

An infomercial for an alien/very weird product.

On the day that they died, your best friend told you that they had some juicy office gossip to share with you. So you do what any sane person would do -- you fight your way into the afterlife to find them and smack talk your co-workers.

A vampire living undetected as a night shift worker has their work friends suddenly show up at their door step with human food and human drinks to finally "break this loner out of their shell". The vampire has to make it through the evening without losing their cover or their friends.

All previous attempts have failed. You are willing to do *anything* for a shower head that actually has good water pressure.

Everyone knows Cartoon Characters can survive basically anything, not even old age can kill them. A Cartoon Character finds this out the hard way when their human friend dies from old age.

Out of nowhere you start telling corny dad jokes. But as far as you know, you aren't a dad.

Feeling threatened by a new coworker thats now on track to get the promotion you’ve been working for, you decide to spread some malicious rumors about them. Unfortunately for you somehow these rumors actually make them more popular.

You didn't study necromancy in order to attain some perverted immortality or for a lust of power. You're just a very socially awkward introvert and it seemed like the best way to beat your loneliness without being overwhelming.

"What do you MEAN you've run out of semen?!"

Someone spiked the coffee with a potent aphrodisiac, turning a boring HOA meeting into a no holes barred orgy.

A guy is completely oblivious to his "lesbian" best friend and her girlfriend's *friendliness* towards him...

“We’ll gladly Breed you! Just ask!” The sign said. That has to be a typo, so you ask.

She'd come to terms with the idea that she was flat-chested. It was a surprise when the literal titty fairy showed up to give her a belated visit with generous extra magic as an apology...

The heroine always wondered why so many men seemed to challenge her to a fight? Was it because she knocked them out by sitting on their face, choking them with her thighs, and smothering them with her breasts…no surely not that’s stupid!

"No, no honey, it's ok! He has a medical condition! He needs this!"

Listen dude, I don't mind that you summon a succubus every time you get in the mood. What I do mind is that you haven't sent any of them back yet!

A sleazy womanizer tells tall tales to women at bars to sleep with him. He has a reputation of being a serial liar. One night, a woman the he had slept with enters the bar and curses him so that he can't tell a lie. After she leaves, the man doesn't feel any different. Hilarity ensues.

"She won't stop sending me pussy pics." "That sounds like the opposite-of-a-problem." "Yeah, the issue is that she's always in the photo, but none of the pussies are hers. How do I reply to that?"

Dana rolled her eyes as the smiling, conservatively dressed young woman pushed a flyer into her hand on the busy street. What was it this time, Mormons? Jehovah's Witnesses? Dana glanced at the flyer as she was about to toss it in the trash. "The First Church of the Holy Orgasm" Wait...What?

A class decides to do a haunted house for the school festival. Unbeknownst to the student body at large, many students in this class are creatures and yokai, so "costumes"? A cinch. However and ironically, one of the human students actually unknowingly frightens them by being super laidback...

"...She's your mother, by the way. Just know that she will sooner send a cruise missile to your house than admit she cares about you."

You angered not one but two beings of incredible power unfortunately they didn't communicate beforehand so now you're stuck in a time loop AND the body of a dog.

You’re the last Survivor of an alien attack on your ship. You’ve been infected and can’t go back to Earth. 2 years later you’re still alive somehow, as you continue to write your entire life story, an alien that attacked you walks in, “Oh shit you’re still alive?? I mean… uh..” The alien growls

"Normally you should measure twice and cut once to avoid mistakes, but considering we are currently lacking in time I am just going to eyeball the measurements and hope that I don't accidentally strand us in the void of space with an incorrect cut."

“Why are there always so many clocks floating around whenever we time travel?”