Absurdist Humor Writing Prompts

A mind reading alien species is terrified when they discover humanity’s greatest mental defense; intrusive thoughts

When an alien race discovered Earth's atmosphere was made with oxygen, their best scientific theory was that the creatures there were able to breath fire. They eventually decided to invade Earth equiped with thermal armor, and were no match to the bullethell that was waiting for them

You gave a million monkeys a million typewriters. They immediately wrote a contract detailing the terms and conditions for employing the monkey horde.

We invent the warp drive, only to discover that humans are already a member of the galactic community. Apparently there have been enough alien abductions over the years to start a small country.

Amused by human "justice", the Fey are giving you a show trial prior to whatever cruel punishment they have planned. You're allowed a lawyer, so you call in a friend. Your lawyer is a djinn, but the faeries won't realise this until their brains are tied in knots

Turns out, because humans are sentient you’re not allowed to hunt them under intergalactic law… because of this you have now begrudgingly joined some humans hunting club to make your trip somewhat worthwhile

You're about to be sacrificed by a cult, but when the demon appears before you, it speaks with the voice of your high school friend and says "Hey man, haven't seen you in forever!"

"I don't get it," says the demon, "This person's lived a perfectly good and virtuous life. Why are you sending them to hell?" The angel nervously rubs the back of their head. "Honestly? We're pretty sure they'd be happier in hell than heaven."

The goose has collected all the dragonballs. The dragon is summoned. "What is your desire?" The goose honks. "... as you wish." The dragon disappears. Nothing noticeable has changed and that makes you nervous.

You die and discover hell exists. Worse yet, you find out that the only reason you’re here is because when you were 2 and a half years old, you accidentally made a deal with the devil.

Everyone summoned some relativly normal familiars and even some extremely rare ones were summoned. But who cares about a dragon or hydra when your axolotl is telling you cosmic knowledge beyond human comprehension.

The crime rate in this city is so bad the guy who just robbed you at gunpoint got mugged twice before either one of you left the alley.

Far in the post apocalyptic future, the dominant religion follows the holy book "Laws and Regulations of OSHA" as a set of tenets to live by. They're... actually pretty successful.

The mighty alien race comes to the human leaders, pledging their unconditional surrender, and even offering peace gifts of immense monetary and technological value. The only problem is that we had no idea we were at war, or that aliens even existed.

An octopus slinks into a dark room with a gun in each arm. He hears a soft chuckle coming from the corner. “You’re one short, my friend,” says the cat as he steps into view.

An ancient vampire has Turned you. As you are coming to terms with your new reality, they explain that they did it because want their crypt to have internet access and wifi.

You have been summoned to another world in order to resolve the ongoing crisis but due to a malfunction in the translator spell, everything comes out UwU. You've finally managed to make it to the final boss, and are trying to respectfully listen to his monologue without laughing.

"The bioweapon we unleashed upon the humans has been a total failure, sir." "What?! Did they already exterminate it?" "No sir, they pacified them and are now keeping them as pets."

"Yes, but just because I *can* crack reality open like an egg and reign as a galactic conquerer doesn't mean that I *want* to. I want to be the silly nemesis of a street level hero"

After a superhero destroyed your home and killed your family during a fight you swore you would have your vengeance and destroy the heroes once and for all. You may only be a rat but that is not going to stop you.

At the age of 16 all witches are assigned a familiar. You are excited for yours as you see your friends turn 16 and get theirs. Cats, Crows, spiders. You are devastated to find out that out your 16th birthday, your familiar is a 27 year old hipster named Frank.

“Let me get this straight. I, a Fae, have spent LITERAL CENTURIES studying the subtle arts of deception, glamour, deceit, and misdirection, and you, a mere human, can just stand there and say things that are untrue?!” “Yeah, that’s about right.”

"You're doing gods work," the angel said while handing you a cease & desist letter, "we demand that you stop."

Everyone has a number above their head showing the number of writing prompts they've read about numbers above people's heads.

"But before we start this video, only 99.99% of people watching right now are subscribed, so please consider subscribing. Bob, please just Sub. You are literally the only one who isn't."

Some pedestrian ran out in front of your truck, and you hit him. So why, now, are you and your shitbox Ford in a strange stone and wood town, with a fox-person yelling into the passenger window directions on how to kill the King of the Liches? Well, at least the fuel gauge is stuck on full.

The thing about Cosmic horrors beyond human comprehension is that if you try to comprehend it you'll go insane. But if you name it "squid face gary" and take it only at face value you'll do just fine. If it's beyond human understanding, just don't understand it!

An assassin tries to assassinate a human representative on the Galactic Government by poisoning their drink with water. When that fails they fill their sleeping quarters with oxygen.

"Evil? What makes you think i'm evil?" they said, their skull throne creaking as they shifted their weight. They turned to look at their demonic bodyguard "do you think i look evil?" with a voice filled with genuine concern.

The first spaceship to achieve FTL is stopped by the Universe Police and given a speeding ticket.