Comedy Writing Prompts

Day 1: Aliens invade. Day 3: Aliens discover 'Worker's Unions'. Day 7: Aliens tell their Royal Leaders that they won't continue the invasion without proper contracts and wages.

You are a Norse god of alcohol. A man challenges you, claiming he can go shot-for-shot with you until you pass out. He calls himself... ‘The Machine’

There are multi-Gods for the multi-verse, and it turns out ours is kind of like the 'cool mom who lets you drink at her house,' though other Gods look at our free will and generally silent deity as bad Godding on His part.

"Wait, are you telling me there's no engine access port? Who made this spaceship, Apple?" "Actually, yes." "FUCK!"

"So let me get this straight" The former UFC fighter looked at the doctor in the eye. "You want to put me in a medically induced coma so my ghost can beat the shit out of the ghost that's haunting the psych ward of the hospital? "Uhh... If you want to put it like that, sure."

"No man can kill me!" roars the demon. You smirk. "But I am no man!" You throw open your jacket to reveal you are, in fact, three halflings in a trenchcoat.

You are a murderer. You can't help but notice that you keep killing this one guy over and over and over again. Unbeknownst to you, they're an immortal, constantly checking if they can die yet by deliberately making themselves a target.

"I have helped you with your endeavor, now I claim your soul" the demon says. "Thank you but no. I don't know how it works in hell but here on earth, a contract signed by a minor is not legally binding. I'm 17 and keeping my soul" you respond.

You're a prison psychiatrist being yelled at by your boss; every supervillain you've treated has gotten over their obsessions and hang ups, and become vastly more efficient and dangerous once free.

Two warlords agree that their newfound peace contract between their peoples would be best sealed with a marriage. With no available daughters, sisters, nieces or female cousins on either side, the two conclude they must marry each other.

After a treasure hunt with your friends, you make it to the treasure. But instead of the wealth you were told about, it was a note congratulating you on your journey and that the real treasure was the friends you made on the way. Only problem is that all your friends died getting you this far.

Eminem has to tell the history of the earth to a group of aliens in 5 minuets or less.

You weren’t shocked to find out that your bard had many illegitimate children. Including one whose mother was a dragon. No, what shocked you was that he somehow managed to help raise every single one of them. And now they’ve come to help you.

In the near future, you are making dinner because you are about to meet your girlfriend's dad for the first time. All you have in the kitchen is cooked frozen steaks. In walks your girlfriend and her dad, Gordon Ramsey.

You feel an overwhelming need to take out the trash, shower frequently, and feed the poor. A soft, calming voice whispers compliments in your ear. You've been possessed... by an angel.

"No! No! You don't understand! They're not real, they were never real!" As your being dragged to hell for the massive amount of murder you have wrought upon living beings, you desperately try to explain to Saint Peter what video games are.

Realizing Shakira's hips are speaking in Morse Code, you begin to pray that they can lie.

One evening, a portal to hell opens at the foot of your bed. A demon strides through, rips off your covers, and begins to drag you through the portal by your ankles saying “You’re going to help me settle a bet.”

Dragons reenter the modern world and soon defeat the military. The dragons can only be harmed in melee combat with a knight, so a talent agent gathers an army of celebrities who have been knighted - Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellan, Mick Jagger, Sean Connery, Elton John, Daniel Day-Lewis, etc.

Turns out that God does not care if you are gay, atheist, or pagan, but he is a real stickler about mixed fabrics.

You are the dangerous Chaos Mage. Everyone fears you. You are actually just dyslexic and keep reading you spellbook wrong.

To get past the Sphinx, you must answer its riddles. The riddles are things like "How do I set up my router" and "What's the WiFi password", and it's becoming increasingly clear he's using you for tech support.

Job hunts are literally that: You seek out the job you desire and kill the one who has it, or even engage them in ritual combat to claim the job as your own. You have just turned of age and desire your first minimum wage job.

"never hire humans" is a standard "no duh" statement across the universe. But by galactic standards, humans are cheap. So an alien overlord has just hired 500 humans to work on his personal resort colony. And things start going horribly wrong.

As a vampire you've always found an Open House as an easy opportunity to cross a threshold to feed on foolish mortals. But the place is charming, the master bedroom is lovely, the colors look great against the hardwoods, the neighbors seem nice, and the house is suprisingly within your budget...

Demons have finally discovered a way to summon humans and they take great joy in summoning humans to hell to do mundane chores in revenge for humans doing that to them for centuries.

You always thought your Facebook friend egregiously misused the word "literally". Turns out his life is just really weird.

Your father comes from a long line of superheroes. Your mother comes from a long line of supervillains. Every year, against your parents wishes, your relatives come together to celebrate your birthday. It's your eleventh birthday and the city's evacuated as your relatives start to arrive.

You are given a writing prompt by your English Professor. You decide to post the writing prompt to r/writingprompts and get an amazing story. You decide to use that story as your own and turn it in as your assignment only to find out that your professor was the one who wrote the story.

"We don't make mistakes around here, Agent." Bob Ross says with a smile, as he hands you the gun. "Just happy little accidents."