Comedy Writing Prompts

You've accidentally summoned an ancient, long-forgotten god while trying to pronounce furniture names at IKEA. Fortunately, the employees are prepared as this has happened before.

The reason earth never made alien contact is because earth is in a natural reservation inside a non transit area inside a neutral zone between two warring empires in a relatively boring part of the galaxy.

Two magicians made a blood oath when they were children that they would never harm each other. Now they are mortal enemies and have resorted to inconveniencing and annoying each other, knowing if they harm one another they'll die.

You're a dude with no friends who gets his hands on a cloning machine. You create an exact replica of you, he looks the same, acts the same, and you're forced into living with him. You realise why you have no friends after having to live with yourself for a week.

NASA employee: oh hey you guys are back early. Astronaut: Moon's haunted. NASA employee: what? Astronaut: *loads pistol and gets back on rocketship* Moon's haunted.

You're walking to work, then suddenly a person in a white suit appears and says "Uh yeah I've accidentally permanently stopped time and it'll take me 2 months to fix it, but somehow you're not frozen in time. But hey, whatever object you touch should still work, so uh good luck and have fun."

You're transported to a fantasy world. You don't have any special powers, but being from our universe means magic doesn't work on you. At all. The evil wizard is really, really confused.

You and your significant other are running for your lives from a slasher killer. Suddenly your partner ducks into a door and locks it behind them leaving you behind. You slump against the door preparing for the worst. The killer walks up and says "Wow what a jerk. You ok?"

The reason why dragons kidnap princess so often is because, as far as their concerned, humans of royal blood are rare exotic pets. A status symbol, to show that their horde is greater than that of other dragons.

Elon Musk has finally landed on Mars, and he has decided to claim it as his own. This prompts a declaration of war from the UN. Though the rest of Earth can't land on Mars yet, they can still throw things at it

You've just discovered the reason behind aliens abducting humans. Turns out they were after impartial jurors for the intergalactic court.

You're a time traveler sent back to warn people about the future, but to avoid creating mass panic you must inform the public subtley. Recently you've finished your magnum opus: The Simpsons

Pets are intelligent. Religious dogs worship humans as gods, while cats see us as a natural resource. You see your dog chasing away stray cats pestering you for food, not realizing he is a knight from the Order of Saint Good Boy protecting you from harvesters from the Cats Corporate Dominion.

A group of men burst into your house dressed in what looks like Viking armour. In gruff voices, they inform you they are here to serve your dog who they believe is the reincarnation of Fenrir. Your dog is a four pound Chihuahua called Mr Wiggles.

You decide to rob a house while a family reunion is happening, not only no one pays you attention to your attempts but an old lady just hugged you and secretly passed you a one dollar bill "for candy"

You die with your cell phone in your hands, and the afterlife customs agents miss it when letting you in. You find that it still works, and you can connect to the internet and contact people in the living world.

Everybody assumes that The Onion is satire, but you know different. Why? Because you're its main reporter, gathering news from alternate realities.

Cupid has an opposite, the angel of heartbreak. Their job is to break up couples that don't belong together. Their job is a lot harder and they're getting a little fed up with these stupid humans.

You're a mimic. You were disguised as a chair in a dungeon when an adventurer decided to take you as loot. You've actually enjoyed your life ever since as furniture in a jolly tavern. So when some ruffians try to rob the now-elderly adventurer's business, you finally reveal yourself.

You're abducted by aliens & soon realize it's more of an adoption than an abduction. You're now a pet for a loving alien family. They can't understand you but they seem to understand your body language & have basic knowledge of what humans need to live and entertain themselves when they're busy

A rare herb that grows once a millenium is said to grant immortality. You aren't sure about that but you do know that herb is very tasty, and you don't know why everyone keeps trying to raid your garden once every thousand years

You, a newly-turned vampire, are thrilled to discover that you CAN eat garlic, walk in sunlight, and see yourself in mirrors, all while being immortal. You are much less thrilled to discover the one major drawback that none of the legends ever got right.

In the late 2040s, a supernova killed humanity so suddenly that Death simply gave up on processing them all. Centuries later, aliens are extremely weirded out when they contact an entire starfaring society entirely comprised of ghosts.

Then the 92nd little pig built a house out of depleted uranium. And the wolf was like, "dude."

Your tiny pet dragon loves to guard your wallet, which is adorable until you hit the jackpot of the lottery - this species grows with the size of its hoard.

The Scooby gang finds out that they have powers to turn monsters back into humans, which coincidentally looks like they're unmasking someone.

The old legends say that only "cold iron" can kill the Fair Folk. Now, with the Goblin King invading the surface world, it's discovered that this was a mistranslation. The original phrase was "Heavy Metal".

You thought creating a universe would be easy. But as these pesky humans kept trying to discover the rules of their reality, you're forced to programme in more and more ridiculous mechanics like "relativity" and "quantum mechanics", hoping humans never found out that they live in a simulation.

You are a minor supervillain. Your antics aren't illegal, but they're quite devastating to the local hero population. You replace the flimsy fruit stands that are frequently destroyed in car chases throughout the city with nearly indestructible replicas.

"A superhero fights crime as a part of a team, apparently with the ability to hit his target perfectly with whatever weapon he shoots or throws on the first try. In reality, he has terrible aim, and his actual power is to stop time. He goes through extraordinary efforts to maintain his secret."