Comedy Writing Prompts

When I was offered the power to make metal objects attracted to me, I was expecting magnet powers. I was not expecting my toaster to start making advances.

After enough break ins and bar fights a bartender has learned that it is actually a lot cheaper to just get mimics to be his tables than to replace them constantly. They also make for one hell of a security

You never intended to be a supervillain, you just wanted to own a business. It’s not your fault that all of your employees took your directions the wrong way and now you’re having trouble explaining this to the hero sent to kill you.

"You're off the force! Turn in your gun and your badge!" Our hero places his badge on the chief's desk, as well as a nightmarish weapon, cruelty and agony given physical form. The chief scratches his head. "What's this and where's your gun?"

You, a powerful demoness, have just been summoned to Earth. This man, this human, wants you to pretend to be his girlfriend for a few days so his parents will get off his back about it.

Ok, that's it. You don't care what happens anymore. Enough is enough. You take your standard issue time rewinder and set it back 20 mins just so you can win an argument with your wife.

The Fey was confident that they had the human now due to them eating their fey food, until the human pointed to the empty mint wrapper, "you just ate human food."

You misread the reward for the quest. You received a Dragon Bride, not a Dragon Ride, from the king.

"We are grateful you stopped the villian from destroying the warehouse," HR coldly stated "But being that you also represent Boot Barn we need to let you go for being involved in a violent fight. Do you have any questions?"

You've been summoned to yet another world. While your summoners are busy figuring out what the hell your 'Speedrunner' class means, you prepare yourself for a sub 4 hour record.

You are a worker at a business named 'Sincorperation'. Recently you've been promoted into one of the 7 deadly sins at the top. It's your first meeting with the other six. Wait... Why is everyone nervous..?

Legendary heroes are won at auction to overcome a kingdom's latest threat from evil. Unable to afford the top dollar offerings, your kingdom was only able to win a hero on a clearance sale.

In the afterlife, people will be measured by how good or evil they are in their lifetime. You scored a perfect zero, without a single decimal points. According to the regulations, it's illegal to send you to heaven or hell so nobody knows what to do now.

"Look, I can't be the chosen one! I'm a single parent! I've got two kids that need me, I can't be off saving the world, I'm barely making ends meet as it is! Give me ONE reason I should even consider this!" "... free childcare while you're gone?" "... Keep talking."

"Stand down! Join the side of justice!" The hero exclaimed at the villain's henchmen. "But why? Our boss gives us healthcare, paid vacations, and homes for our familes to live safely."

“The Hero is a fraud! The Dark Lord resurrection is a lie! The Hero and The Pottery Guild are working together to take money away from you. Don’t let the Hero destroy your pottery!”

'So, got any unnecessary questions before we seal the deal?' the Devil asked rhetorically. You raise one finger. 'J-just one. What...what exactly DO YOU DO with our souls once they belong to you?'

Nobody believes you. They all think you made some sort of bargain or deal. Maybe even consuming souls... but the truth is that you became the most powerful mage in the world by getting enough sleep, studying, and eating right.

“Look at that thing. It’s scrawny, it only has two arms, and it can’t fly. It’s useless! Why do you insist on having a human on your ship?” “Well, it’s pretty simple: they breathe oxygen!”

"You're a healer. Actually, you're the best healer in the world... so how do you have more kills than everyone else in your party combined?" "Simple. I heal."

The God of Knowledge has reincarnated, the scholars are celebrating. Problem is the small god floods those around it with an uncontrollable surge of eldritch knowledge that none amongst the scholars can withstand. You are the least-curious man in the world, and you've been called to babysit.

Four roommates are extraterrestrials who have taken human form in the hopes of learning about Earth’s culture. Unfortunately, each alien is from a different planet and believes the other three are normal humans.

"...and for my Third wish, I wish that there was no such thing as Math." The genie nodded, "Wish granted, Master!" I subtly asked, "how many more wishes do i have?" Perplexed, the genie replied, "I don't know anymore..."

In a world where the consequences of murdering someone is them coming back the next day completely fine, you accidentally shot your best friend with a gun. The next day, you and your friend have an awkward conversation in an elevator.

You gave the last of your food to a poorly disguised mimic, but now it wont leave you alone. It's even turning itself into various items to help you.

All wizards use wands to cast their spells. As a wand maniac, you've stuffed your wand with all kinds of upgrades and now it's the size of a pillar.

Ben could craft statues so lifelike that many were mistaken as living beings. Normally this wouldn’t matter but for the past week the Demon king has been in a staring contest with a toad statue. The prize the others soul.

An Eldritch horror hires a group of adventurers to destroy every cult that tried to summon it.

"the mat clearly said NOT welcome!" i explained to the vampire.

Standing at the altar, with tears in your eyes you say “I do.” The cultists and the thing they summoned are visibly confused