Comedy Writing Prompts

You've found the answer to Fermi's Paradox of "There must be more advanced civilizations than us, so why haven't they contacted us", turns out there's a "Great Filter" that destroys over 90% of civilizations before they can journey to the stars, on Earth, we call that filter "The Internet".

Many genies pride themselves on using loopholes and technicalities to twist wishes. But you're using them to untwist this moron's stupid wishes so they don't die.

You’ve stumbled upon a genie, and he grants you three wishes. As with most genies, he’s the type to grant wishes with a malicious twist. Unfortunately for the genie, all the wishes you have in mind are malicious to everyone, including the genie.

The bipedal species are considered to most ugly amongst the galaxy. That was until "humans" joined the confederation and obsessed with all the bipedal species saying they are "beautiful". You are the only bipedal girl in the intergalactic school, being bullied, until a group of humans arrives.

Most tech based heros are rich and handsome philanthropists, except Dale he's just got too much creativity, free time, liquor, and access to junkyards.

When you are born, your parents gave you a very unique name. This has caused you many annoyances over the years, but you feel that the demon that keeps getting summoned every time the teacher calls on you has it worse.

You came home from work early and when you entered your bedroom you heard your spouse exclaim "It's not what it looks like!" in surprise. But after taking in the scene for a few minutes you have to admit that you have no clue *what* exactly you are looking at.

You’re an elf who has been awarded a scholarship for one of the most prestigious schools of magic in all of the realms! The… Massachusetts Institute of Technology? Wait, what?

"So you are telling me this random guy showed up out of nowhere, killed the dragon within the hour and left without saying a thing?" "Actually sir he kept saying 'skip dialogue' while I was trying to talk to him."

It was once common knowledge that any sufficiently labyrinthine structure will eventually manifest a Minotaur at its heart. Today, your local IKEA opened its newest extension.

You just joined a crew and found out that they have a human crewmate. You're curious and excited to meet them, given your species look so similar, it's uncanny! Unfortunately, it doesn't go so well.

Aliens are trying to eradicate humanity in subtle ways but it always ends up beneficial for humanity

The Devil on your shoulder stammers as the Angel loads their shotgun.

Bartender "listen, you can't just walk in here with a real sword. Give me one good reason to carry something like that around in this day and age." "Mimics!". I laughed, the bartender laughed, the table laughed.

You became the president of the United States for one reason and one reason only: you wanted to play a game of Dungeons and Dragons with the members of the Cabinet.

Dragons have treasure hoards for adventurers to target. Those are usually cover ups to hide what the dragons actually care for. Some run orphanages, others have meticulously tended gardens, some have the most well stocked libraries in the world etc.

"I don't wanna fight you, low-level bandit." Says the Lv.100 Hero, who killed the embodiment of space-time. "I wouldn't want to fight me, neither." Says the low-level bandit.

You finally pass away, happily on your death bed surrounded by your loving family. Only to wake up in hell with a demon standing over you "Welcome back m'lord! How was your vacation?"

"I thought you used to be a prostitute!" "Why would you...? Oh... No, no... Lady of the night is just a fancy way to say vampire." "You are a vampire?" "Used to be."

"Hero! Why do you not wear the armor granted by the gods?" "They look lame, its not about stats, its about looking good" "... what?"

"Oh for fucks sake, you too? Right, ok, cards on the table. Is anyone here ACTUALLY a human being and not an inhuman creature infiltrating the human race?"

Your spouse (erroneously) thinks they’ve done a good job hiding the fact that they’re an assassin for hire from you. You’ve known for years now, but find just how awful they are at hiding it endearing, and don’t want to spoil it for them.

You started a cult to scam people out of money. However, more and more of your “prophecies” begin coming true and the “miracles” can claim begin to actually happen.

You wake up in your quarters, unable to recall what happened the night before. You see your human crew mate, Mark, getting dressed. Before you speak, he raises his hand. “Before you ask, no, we didn’t ‘engaging in activities’ last night, Captain.”, he explains calmly.

You are the first person to become a vampire in 10,000 years. Your master and his entire clan are shocked when they learn you can walk in sunlight without burning. "Sunscreen, you simpeltons." Was your response when they asked how.

You're perfectly safe in your survival bunker, with plenty of food and water. You even have plumbing. The only problem is that you're entirely alone, with a zombie right outside. Out of sheer boredom, you decide to teach it to speak, which has led into it trying to convince you to let it in.

My new partner at work is the worst! They won't enter buildings without invitation, says they've got a sunlight allergy so I have to work night shifts, and if you drop anything they sit there and count it impulsively. It's the worst!

"Honestly, the only reason I'm firing you is so you can get unemployment benefits, because after this I'm heading straight to the HR office and handing in my two weeks."

"I am the commander of this unit. We are prepared to surrender under two conditions: You allow this letter to return to our base, and you allow us to live long enough to hang the fool who sent us out here."

"Do I look like the kind of person who can be reasoned with?" "...Yes?"