Absurdist Humor Writing Prompts

When you were a child, you accidentally wrote a letter to Satan instead of Santa. Now, every year for christmas you get presents from the lord of hell himself.

It turns out that the entire feline family was created by aliens to eventually wipe out humanity, for them, but clearly something went wrong.

As it turns out, entropy is considered to be the #1 universal threat by the Galactic Council, and are furious when they learn just how much humans contribute to it on purpose to "stay warm"

It's the apocalypse, and the world has gone to absolute hell. You are one of the few humans left alive and are scaveching for food when you stumble across a waffle house, full functioning and open.

"You are what you eat" has become literal. Many would rather succumb to becoming a chicken or pig than turn into a beetroot or zucchini.

You kidnapped a princess, because your dragon daughter wanted a princess. You are not sure why exactly she wanted one but you got her one.

"You see, hero from another world, our land is governed by a form of arachno-communism" "You mean anarcho-communism" "No"

"Your blood pressure is so high!" "I've been feeling very stressed lately." "What have you been so stressed about?" "My blood pressure."

You fell out of a plane. You survived, but you landed in the middle of a cult's summoning circle. Now you've got this super-crazy group of followers with ties in practically everything who keep calling you their god.

As President of the Universe you often have wannabe Overlords and Dictators break into your house and demand your title. Your policy is to just give it to them. None have lasted longer than a week before returning it.

A scientist whose inventions are too good, they become dangerous. A paper towel that is so absorbent it can drain a lake with one roll, an insecticide that makes the species extinct, or a solar powered device that absorbs all light. He is now placed on house arrest to not invent anything.

List of things to do, "Ring check, dinner with my parents and hers check. Plan to tell her I'm secretly a 150 year elf check. Plan to tell her she needs to defeat my eldest sister in open combat to prove her worth. Work in progress. She's from Texas I'm sure she'll be fine."

"Hello. I'm here to kill your leader in single combat to claim chiefdom over your people." "Whoa! Do you really think we are that primitive and salvage!?" "Yes. Isn't this how it works?" "Well... Yes... But you are being very rude about it!"

The ancient abomination layed its tentacle over your forehead. Finally, after all the perils and dangers suffered, the secrets of the universe would be revealed to you. It digs the tip of its tentacle into your brain and it appears...Never Gonna Give You Up Official Video plays on your mind.

Who wants to be a millionaire but all the contestants are billionaires so it’s more like a threat

"So the generals have met up, and they have agreed that this battle has been cancelled."

As a prank a witch detached your cock and suctioned it to the shower in the girl's dorm. Neither of you expected how frequently it was going to be used, nor knew that it couldn't get soft again!

Turns out every lender has been rejecting you because your kid has an unpaid tab at some little girls' lemonade stand. Your kid's status as a "big mean stupid head" is really hurting your credit. You need to fix this. But how?

"For my final wish, I wish porn wasn't so unrealistic." "Granted! Reality is now far more like porn!"

"I plead the Fifth!" "First of all, we're in hell. Second, you're not an American Citizen."

In a world where superpowers are bought at the store, two teens drop 20 bucks to raid the dollar bin.

“So, I noticed on your paperwork that you put ‘mixed lineage’. Would you care to elaborate?” “Oh, well my dad’s a minotaur, and my mom’s a mermaid. I just inherited the human side of both.”

You are an alien Hive Queen and you're supposed to be conquering Earth right now. But you're to busy with your career streaming video games on the internet.

"Oh you are not drinking!" "Why not?" "Last time you tried to ride a door like a motorcycle." "So...?" "You got over 120 km/h on that door!!!"

A few years ago, your country elected a chaotic neutral president, who permanently made it so the candidate with the fewest votes is elected. Everyone was expecting absolute carnage in the next electoral season but... Things have never been better

"Dad, I'm-""An edlritch abomination beyond my understanding,yes yes, cool. Groovy. You are still going to therapy.""...I hate this family!"

,,...And that is why you'll never see human in any ZOO in the whole galaxy."

Sexuality is not only not a taboo in this society, it is a conerstone. (Similarly to how media and entertainment is in ours) Fucking you coworker's ass? A kind gesture. A politcal candidate giving out blowjobs? A great marketing strategy. Having sex in the movie theatre? Just a little obnoxious.

You encountered an eldritch being as a kid, but instead of being creeped out, you gave them food. Since then, they have followed you everywhere, never leaving your side, and they also eat all your food.

"If you're a dhampir, and vampires are literal corpses, how was your mom the vampire?" "...Don't question it."