Reddit Writing Prompts

You're a cryptid obsessed with human media about you. You've collected all the merch, watched the movies, played the games, read the books, and constantly browse your subreddit. It inspires you, feeling a role in humanity. One day, urban explorers stumble into your hideout and find your stuff.

You were once told by a famous prophet that you would die a violent death the next time you cut your hair. Too many years later, death finds you confused on how you are still alive, then glances down at your very long, curly hair.

Their new butt plug had an interesting feature: Proximity Vibration. The more people using the same toy in close proximity, the more intense the vibration. Well, it's not like there'll be that many fellow perverts in their daily routine, right? Right?!

As a lawyer, you find yourself staring at one of the most perplexing cases you have ever seen. A business is being sued for endangering its customers. However, cases keeps getting dismissed because everything the business does is legal under the local state laws.

As you’re about to go to bed for the night, Duo, the Duolingo owl, suddenly slams your bedroom door open. “You forgot your French lessons two days in a row. You know what happens now.”

You are a college student that has just discovered that they are Allowed To Do Anything. Sit on the Dean's lap wearing cat lingerie? He asks you if you're comfortable. Grope the Head Cheerleader? She asks you if you want her to take her top off, for easier access.

Your son was the greatest hero of this age, but he has become corrupted and now the only hope for the world is for you to come out of retirement to try to save him... Or end him.

"Go to Hell," I told my girlfriend. "I can't, actually," she shot back. "They banned me centuries ago."

You find out your Girlfriend is literally the Queen of an entire existential Dimension

"You left for milk 15 years ago. You'd better have a damn good explanation."

When it first happened the tentacles were considered disgusting. Nowadays they're just a part of life. It wouldn't be all that surprising to feel a tentacle slide down your pants, or watch someone hop into a patch of them to get off, or watch a professor perform a lecture between moans

The magic The gathering club was confused when the cheerleaders turned up. The head cheerleader sighed, "Technically, you guys count as a sports club. And *technically*, that 'tournament' you won counts as a championship. So... I guess you get to bang us this weekend..."

Everyone knows the rumors about that hallway: Girls walking by the locker suddenly vanishing, then returning later in a disheveled uniform, cum dripping down their leg, and a fucked silly grin (and supposedly some sightings of tentacles). Seeing as no one else will, you decide to investigate it.

Stars actually do grant wishes, but they are too far away to arrive immediately. You are the first person to live long enough to have your wish granted.

She thought she was signing up to be a sales girl for magical sex toys and lewd potions. She didn't expect to have to demonstrate them, never mind being a test subject for new ones!

A mage summons a succubus and attempts to bind her to a contract. It fails, but the succubus plays along because she finds the mage cute.

"Done. Where's my $20?" "I...I didn't think you'd actually do it!" "You underestimate how much I needed that $20. Now pay up."

A female vampire selects her next victim in a club. However, the encounter would not go as she expected, thanks to her victim's naivety and innocence of the real world.

Write, as unironically erotic as you can, a story about a young man finally getting to have sex with the neighbor's enormously-breasted daughter, in the format of a 4-chan Greentext.

The Brothel's new "you breed it you buy it" policy was supposed to discourage getting the girls pregnant and save on medical bills, but the result was girls trying to get their favorite clients to impregnate them so they can escape the brothel.

"Surely, there must be a plot. These humans are so warlike, yet most of them are outright cooperating with our occupation."

Spiritually, you know the sword doesn't accept you as its owner. but since you technically fill the requirements for being worthy it can't really do anything about it.

Buying old androids from scrapyards and fixing them up was just a hobby. You never intended it to turn into a harem, but androids designed for sex are the most commonly discarded type and they're very grateful for your help.

A story where every meaning of "I never said we should kill him" based on italicization is used.

"Its ok Thomas", said the train conductor. "It wasn't your fault. You only followed orders."

“The humans are too needy.” “It just seems like that because their lives are so brief that everything has a sense of urgency.”

A poor, innocent tentacle monster is taken advantage of by a horny adventurer girl.

You are an elder god. Your followers have just summoned you to the mortal realm... to celebrate your birthday.

The monster under your bed has been waiting all this time for you to hit legal age. Midnight rolls around and well... Happy Eighteenth Birthday!

Succubi have one weakness. Even if it’s extremely rare. Should a human impregnates them, they are bound to them forever, and become submissive and docile for their human. You figure this out when a awkward red faced succubus clutches her swollen belly in front of you.