Absurdist Humor Writing Prompts

You didn't study necromancy in order to attain some perverted immortality or for a lust of power. You're just a very socially awkward introvert and it seemed like the best way to beat your loneliness without being overwhelming.

"What do you MEAN you've run out of semen?!"

She'd come to terms with the idea that she was flat-chested. It was a surprise when the literal titty fairy showed up to give her a belated visit with generous extra magic as an apology...

The heroine always wondered why so many men seemed to challenge her to a fight? Was it because she knocked them out by sitting on their face, choking them with her thighs, and smothering them with her breasts…no surely not that’s stupid!

"She won't stop sending me pussy pics." "That sounds like the opposite-of-a-problem." "Yeah, the issue is that she's always in the photo, but none of the pussies are hers. How do I reply to that?"

Dana rolled her eyes as the smiling, conservatively dressed young woman pushed a flyer into her hand on the busy street. What was it this time, Mormons? Jehovah's Witnesses? Dana glanced at the flyer as she was about to toss it in the trash. "The First Church of the Holy Orgasm" Wait...What?

You angered not one but two beings of incredible power unfortunately they didn't communicate beforehand so now you're stuck in a time loop AND the body of a dog.

“Why are there always so many clocks floating around whenever we time travel?”

"Any person you see in a full body costume is a time traveller trying not to cause a paradox; especially anyone in a fursuit."

“Ever since that incident back in ‘06, we skeletons don’t like helping zombies anymore”

You have accidentally turned every one in the entire world into either a bubbly bimbo or a subby femboy.

This genie only had two rule: First, no mater what your 3 wishes are, they will always somehow involve your dick growing bigger, even if you didn't wish for it. Second, for each wish to be granted, you had to fuck her and make her cum.

You didn't know how or why your wish "I wish I got a promotion" was interpreted as "Make my boss's tits grow increasingly bigger", but you were keen on watching it play out...

Everyone has heard of cow girls, but what about cow boys? They always thought their friend was an extremely flat cowgirl, turns out, they were guy with the dick of a bull, wth.

"When i bought the Harem Bomb, it said in the package that it would create new people. But when i set up and explode it, all the woman were people i already know. Can i get a refund? Its making me uncomfortable."

Due to last year's all out cheerleader orgy incident that tanked the university's reputation before the start of this year's football season the university's staff present to the cheerleaders their new uniform to be worn at all events going forward designed to stop any form of sex.

The last thing you were prepared for was an angel's bubble-butt smashing through your windshield on the highway.

"Your orgasm is triggered by color?" "Yeah, when I see John Deere Green I cum. The new job at the ranch is the best one I've ever had, I keep getting railed against all kinds of tractors."

You’ve learnt that your ice cold, high flying new manager at work has a peculiar quirk. Cum makes her IQ drop.

Three people in different parts of the world all say one beetlejuice

You are the most powerful and the smartest being in the entire Multiverse. You could easily subjugate it in hours. But what do you do? You act like a Looney Tunes villain. Why? It’s funny.

An angel runs through Hell naked on a dare.

A character is aware of that they exist inside of a story. They wonder how much they can bend the world into running on porn-logic.

Death has been working for eons and now she's tired, and decides to go on a vacation.

Aliens invade Earth, subjugating all of humanity and enslaving them. Upon realising the aliens are making their humans sad, dogs and cats launch separate attacks. Shockingly, they win.

The Cocaine Ninja Grandmaster faces off alone against dozens of police officers who have come to arrest him.

Her pixie friends kept "blessing" her with bigger and bigger boobs, and it would have been a tremendous faux pas to seem unappreciative of their gifts...

I don't think our Ancient Vampire overlords thought the idea of "destroying humanity" through.

When the Professor said that “We all need a break,” you thought they were going to put on a movie or something. You didn’t expect them to lock the door and call for an orgy at 10am.

I wished "My boyfriend's cum would always satisfy me." But nothing could've prepared me for the little white goo monsters that shoot out of his cock, run off to find me no matter what I'm doing or how far apart we are, and start playing with my pussy until I cum.