Absurdist Humor Writing Prompts

The strange planet had many strange rules. For example, "No boner shall ever go to waste."

When someone posted a reply to you that said "Go to horny jail", you didn't realise it was a real place...

After the airport canceled your flight twice, the ticket agent gives you a mile high club reward card as compensation that you can use on anyone.

You'd never seen her without the "Bra of Holding." You thought she was joking, until she began to change into her bikini for your pool party and tits that had no business fitting in it fell out, along with $473 in loose change, 6 phones, and 83 lip balms. Apparently she even slept with it on.

How do you even play Strip Magic the Gathering?

"Damn it mom, i told you to stop fucking my FRIENDS" (Futa?)

She was a controversial superhero. She had summoning powers, but only for very lewd things...

What are the chances that an android construction worker would fall on top of you, let alone flirt immediately?

An all female alien crew abduct a male stripper.

A weird trend becoming popular with collage students where you have to masturbate aggressively while confessing to your crush.

A novice alchemy student accidentally discovers an elixir of bimbofication...

A literature professor gives an argumentative essay assignment about whether you’re the top or the bottom in a relationship, needing evidence to support the claim.

“So, did you notice? What do you mean no!? You have tits! No, guys don’t normally have those, it’s my reality magic! Ugh… what’s the point in being all powerful if no one notices the things you do!? Welp… might as well use this power to fuck around…”

You've seen those strength test games at arcades and fairs, with a mallet and a meter that tells you how well you've scored? Well, this one has a meter, but instead of a mallet, there's a wall with a hole in it...

"I'm into hand-holding and kissing." "That is disgusting! Tell me more."

The reason humans haven’t seen monsters or any fantastical creatures as of late, is because they took one look at the internet and decided Humanity was too freaky for their tastes

In hindsight, selling all the clothes she was wearing to buy a pair of shoes, might not have been the best idea, but she does look good in them... Only them.

You were familiar with misfortune, so when the janitor’s machine catches and rips the clothes off of you, you decided to just continue your work without them.

Every new semester at Generic University starts with an campus wide orgy.

She had no idea that being a cereal mascot could be so sexual...

A strange trend among college students where everything is covered Except for their genitalia.

"My client has stressed to this court already the incredible circumstances that led him to this frankly, 'unavoidable' confrontation. We would like to again recount for the jury; Your Honour, The ass was fat."

Harvest season has started! You normally hire 5-7 extra hands on for the fall, and this year a group of women practically volunteered! Turns out they're into masturbating in combine harvesters.

You are a scientist in charge of a recently thawed caveman/cavewoman. They haven't been able to orgasm for 100,000 years and they are VERY horny.

She wasn't that bright, but her heart was in the right place. After she'd seen the presentation from PETA about the horrific conditions dairy stock were subjected to, she made a choice out of solidarity: From now on, she would only lactate oatmilk.