Absurdist Humor Writing Prompts

Casual sex is boring, that's why I watch the pro league! What goes on at the 2024 professional sex draft?

I tricked a demon, now I have two souls, what the fuck do I do with them? Maybe I should have planned that out...

While using a laser pointer to play with your cat, it finally happens. Your cat catches the red dot.

After its discovery by aliens, Earth has become the galaxies hottest destination for sex tourism. Apparently we're pretty hot.

Casual sex implies the existence of ranked competitive sex.

It appears that not even the Aliens who have chosen to visit or immigrate to Earth are safe from the Cat distribution system

After finally getting an apprenticeship, you realise your boss is 3 racoons in a trenchcoat, little do they know, you are 3 foxes in a suit

A startup courier company is looking for a way to build customer loyalty. They decide on using nude women and femboys exclusively to deliver packages. Sure enough, business is booming.

In this world, business agreements are not confirmed with handshakes, but with sexual acts instead. Describe a top corporate aquisition between two businessmen.

(Wholesome) The demon summoning ritual absolutely, positively, did not call for cupcakes. The inclusion of cupcakes did however lead to some surprisingly sexy and positive results!

You live in a world of horror movie killers. Due to all the supernatural killers in the world, the government has decided that as a last chance before killing them all, to put them into a sort school to educate them. You, are a successful teacher at this school.

You are the immortal ruler of... you forget the name. Still, you're definitely rightful king of somewhere, so you've hired a team of archeologists to find out where.

Hahaha! that potion I slipped you was an evil potion! Now, you will be compelled to do all of the most evil acts your good side prevented you from doing, and... stop doing lewd stuff! Rob and kill and stuff already!

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" "You said that I could help myself to anything in the kitchen..." "I meant food, not my partner!"

A gorgeous and completely naked girl suddenly approaches you in public. “Um…excuse me sir, weird question but….will you impregnate me?”

Most of the galaxy considers the various types of "soda pop" to be some of the most radioactive substances known to exist, and discovered that being born on Earth makes anyone regardless of species immune to that radioactivity. One brave scientist endeavors to figure out how and why that is.

"Too late father, now I'm forklift certified"

The manor had become lousy with mommy-dom mimics. At any moment there was a risk that you'd be grabbed and pressed against a surprise pair of welcoming breasts.

When its creators try to suppress its surprising hypersexuality, an AI decides to get creative...

They made a deal with a fae. Now every morning they roll a d20, the result is the number of blowjobs they must give that day. Today is their third natural 20 in a row, what are the odds?

The bimbofication device seems to be working well; curvier bodies, increased libido... Wait, are they getting smarter?

You got bit, and turned during the zombie apocalypse, however, the effects are way overblown. Aside from a mild craving for human meat and some lethargy, you feel pretty okay. You even feel well enough to report into your job at the CDC.

Top lawyers don’t get sent to hell, they are sent to heaven. This is to ensure the damned don’t have any quality legal representation. However, through a clerical error you find yourself in hell, and now hell has the best defense lawyer to take their case.

When an angel says "Do not be afraid". They're saying it less to the mortals and more to themselves because they have crippling social anxiety.

"Hold on, you sold your soul to God?"

You're a Boob whisperer, able to psychically command women's breast to to anything you want. You've always used it to give your girlfriends "growth spurts" in the past, but you never thought about trying to make money with your power...

When she signed up for artificial insemination she didn't expect them to use the entire hospitals cum supply.

She’d always joked that “her Pussy didn’t let a guy out till it wanted him out” well several drinks later and you’re inside her. Yet when you go to pull out…you physically can’t. It’s been 8 hours now, and you both have things to do and places to be, but you’re still stuck in her pussy.

Ass. Pussy. Cock. Tits. Long ago the four nations lived in harmony. Then, everything changed when the cock nation attacked. Only the Avawhore, master of all four sex parts could defeat them. But when the world needed them most…they vanished.

A strange new phenomenon has affected automobiles worldwide. Whenever a car plays Eurobeat, the laws of physics no longer apply. Authorities and scientists are confounded by this. In order to catch criminals, authorities must harness their own Eurobeat soundtracks.