Reddit Writing Prompts

You're a cleaner for a famous assassin. You just found out it is your spouse. This infuriates you not because of the secrets or killing, but because you've been cleaning up after your spouse at home and at their work all this time.

The ritual calls for 100 sacrifices, but reading carefully you realize it never specified they had to be human. Deciding to be a smartass, you got a petri dish full of bacteria and sacrificed that instead.

In a world where lying doesn't exist, you are the worst supervillain: Technically True Man.

You sold your soul to the devil, but now that you're dead, Apple is suing the devil for the soul they own as part of their terms of service.

A sniper and a photographer meet in a bar, neither aware of the other's occupation. They talk about 'how to take the perfect shot'.

You are a long forgotten god. A small girl leaves a piece of candy at your shrine, and you awaken. Now, you must do everything to protect your High Priestess, the girl, and her entire kindergarten class, your worshipers.

In most of the galaxy wars are often just shows of strength with fighting as a last resort. As such weapons are designed to be elaborate and flashy. Turns out humans, whose weapons are built with efficiency in mind, have a different understanding of war.

You’re a hitman who’s “hits” survive your assassination attempts, despite your sincere best efforts, only to die soon after each attempt by comical forces outside your control. The hitman community can’t be convinced you’re not the most creative comically effective assassin alive.

"Shark Tank" but instead of an entrepreneur pitching inventions, it's villains pitching diabolical plots.

You're a Mechromancer. It's a bit like being a Necromancer, except that instead of working with dead flesh and departed souls you work with defunct machinery and deleted computer programs.

You receive a government text warning saying “EMERGENCY - LOCK ALL DOORS AND STAY INSIDE. DO NOT PANIC”. You hear your SO at the locked front door, who’s just come back from the supermarket. They beg to be let inside but you’re unsure. Something doesn’t feel right.

Humanity makes first contact with an alien species who are studying the life of the galaxy. When they ask to hear about our religions we offhandedly mention the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster as a joke and they reply by saying “no, we want to know your myths not your science.”

I'm not scared of a computer passing the turing test... I'm terrified of one that intentionally fails it.

You are a parent in an anime. Your child is born with epic anime hair, and you are certain they will become the protagonist. You are determined to not become a tragic back story like so many other anime parents.

You have the ability to freeze time. When you do, everyone else freezes too. One day, you freeze time and are astounded to see a girl continuing her walk down the street. However as soon as she sees you, she stands perfectly still and pretends to be frozen.

Heaven and Hell do exist after death but you can choose in which you go. You jokingly choose Hell and when you arrive there, you hear Satan saying: "Finally someone! A friend!"

The world’s first sentient AI has fallen in love, and as magazines and female talk shows coo over the strangely romantic news, the Air Force watches nervously while their advanced nuclear response network blushes from flowers and dancing.

Canada has suddenly gone dark. No communication, no trade, no activity from within. Nothing for days. Alaska, now cut off from mainland US, is slowly ceasing in contact with the US federal government until a final correspondence is given: "Leave us. Reinforce the border. Don't ever open it."

The galaxy is actually full of life and advanced civilizations. Everyone just leaves Earth alone because that's where The Great Old Ones are imprisoned, and nobody wants to wake them up.

Seeing success with the purchase of Marvel and now Fox, The Walt Disney Company announces it's next major acquisition: The Catholic Church.

You, a villain, heart set on taking over the world, kidnapped the hero’s sidekick. You find out that you are treating them much better than the hero was and decide to take them under your wing.

You are the first immortal. While it is true that you cannot die, your flesh and body can. After so many millennia you are reduced to a sentient skeleton sitting at the bottom of a peaceful pond to avoid contact with other people. Some bastards are trying to drain it

Armageddon began, and it quickly became apparent that bullets beat swords and claws every single time. Now Heaven and Hell have joined in an uneasy alliance against the humans who have invaded Hell and begun using its endless fires as a power source.

A fleet of spaceships land on earth. Each filled with humans from 2.6 million years ago. They were more advanced than we ever knew, and a some fled earth to escape the coming ice age. They've travelled the galaxies, failing to find a new home. Now they're back to claim their planet...

A creature that eats emotions met you, and was horrified when it tasted your chronic depression. Today marks its 24th attempt to cure you with seasoning.

After being kidnapped you wake up in a room where the only thing to keep you occupied is a computer with access to just wikipedia. After 2 years you are taken to an illegal gameshow as 1 of 10 contestants, if you are eliminated, you die.

We finally get men to Mars and discover an old Soviet flag there. The Soviets won the space race but for whatever horrifying reason didn’t say anything.

After thousands of years on a generation ship sent out to colonize the universe, nobody alive on board the ship believes in the "myth" of Planet Earth anymore. Until they receive the first transmission from Earth in hundreds of years...

You are the world’s most elite assassin. Although you usually only kill when paid, you finally decide to take matters into your own hands and kill the person who keeps leaking your past contracts onto Reddit disguised as writing prompts.

One night, something grabs your hand as it hangs off the edge of the bed. You give it a firm handshake. "You're hired," it whispers.