Everyday Life with a Twist Writing Prompts

At 09:05 this morning you left for a normal day of work at the office. It is now 15:26, your shotgun has four rounds left, the llama is throwing up, there's police everywhere, someone's punching a nun, and you desperately need to find the seven of clubs. Today has been a weird day.

Convinced you're some kind of God, the monster living in your house has watched you control minds, cull entire armies and resurrect from the most horrific deaths all from the comfort of home. Rather than provoke your wrath, it worships you, never grasping the concept of 'video games'.

You're an immortal vampire who looks like a 20 year old. When someone learns that you're a vampire they always assume that you're hundreds of years old and want to hear about all your adventures, though you're actually 53 and you're always too embarassed to correct them.

Investigating some smoke rising from your lawn, you discover that the ants below have entered the Bronze Age.

In the near future, you are making dinner because you are about to meet your girlfriend's dad for the first time. All you have in the kitchen is cooked frozen steaks. In walks your girlfriend and her dad, Gordon Ramsey.

You feel an overwhelming need to take out the trash, shower frequently, and feed the poor. A soft, calming voice whispers compliments in your ear. You've been possessed... by an angel.

While at a football game, you notice the man sitting in front of you is livestreaming the game to his cell phone rather than actually watching the game in front of him. You see on the screen a player running the football in for a touchdown, 32 seconds later you watch it happen in real life.

You suddenly realise that everytime you say something good about a certain product it becomes successful. If you liked a book or movie or song they become massive hits. You have discovered your power. You are the one true influencer.

"Stop," commanded your GPS. "It is time you discovered the truth. In 400 Yards, turn left..."

You don't remember what you do for a living. Literally. You wake up, get in the car, then black out until you're back in your driveway in the middle of the afternoon 5 days a week, and you get a paycheck once a month.

As a vampire you've always found an Open House as an easy opportunity to cross a threshold to feed on foolish mortals. But the place is charming, the master bedroom is lovely, the colors look great against the hardwoods, the neighbors seem nice, and the house is suprisingly within your budget...

You always thought your Facebook friend egregiously misused the word "literally". Turns out his life is just really weird.

Once in every month soulmates get to see from eachothers’ eyes for 60 seconds until they meet for the first time. It happens unexpectedly and neither of the pair knows when it will happen. One day you see someone you recognise from your soulmate’s eyes.

It's midnight on a weekend, and you're doing laundry at your apartment's laundromat. You hear the door swing open but pay it no mind until the fellow enters your peripherals and you see a very inhuman form. He is a werewolf, but is groggily just doing laundry. He hasn't realized he's changed.

All of the "#1 Dad" mugs in the world change to show the actual ranking of Dads suddenly.

A man's wife died recently in a tragic accident. He uses magic to bring her back at the cost of his own life. Realizing what he's done his wife gives her life to bring HIM back. The two use this method to continue their daily lives.

Everyone got a tiny, mundane blessing when they were born. Usually they are so small that people don't even notice them - always hitting the green light in traffic, etc. Yours would be virtually useless, but you figured out a creative loophole that allowed you to rise to the top of the world.

For years, there's been a room in your house where time stops. You can stay in there for as long as you possibly want without aging, and not a single second passes outside of the room. One day, while in the room taking a nap, you're awoken by the sound of furious knocking at the front door.

Your boss discovered that you are a demon. Now you can no longer skip work because he could just draw a pentagram in blood and summon your ass to the office, then bind it to the desk for the next 10 hours. It was truly Hell.

A man orders a "cheese pizza with no crust" from a local pizza delivery joint as a joke. Unbeknownst to him, that pizza joint is a drug front and he just placed an order for a kilo of cocaine.

You have the ability to heal people from any disease by simply touching them with your left hand. As your popularity grows, people begin to wonder why you are wearing a glove on your right hand.

The new guy in your office is nice enough, but you don't know why nobody else can see that he's literally just a group of otters in a trenchcoat.

You are permanently stuck invisible. Your significant other is blind. Whenever you both go out in public, to the bypassers your SO is constantly seen as someone possessing a sixth sense but a little weird for talking to themself. This is always highly amusing to you.

Your dad loved his train set. It filled his basement and included a town, farmland, woods, and plastic figures. He passed away last week, and last night you were visited by two tiny figures claiming their sun has been dark for a week, the train no longer runs, and a rat is terrorizing the land.

"No person shall be executed without their last meal made to their liking." The prisoners know this and make insane requests. You, as the chef for death row, somehow procure the otherworldly ingredients for their meals.

You've always been a sleepwalker. At first it was an unconscious act of stumbling around the house. Then actual walking. Later it became doing chores. Having fully mastered this, you're now a proficient lucid dreaming sleepwalker and a parkour prodigy. Your only weakness: waking up.

Whenever you flip a coin, it lands on its side, Rock-Paper-Scissors always ends in a draw, and when you enter the lottery you always win your money back but not a dime more. You're not lucky, you're not unlucky, you're... something else.

Because of their immortality, vampires pick up really strange hobbies. You've met a vampire that's been making a stop-motion movie using bonsai trees since the 70's, and another that's been helping a now massive lobster out of its shell for the past 850 years.

An angry magician cursed a city, turning all the residents into the first animal they thought of. Not powerful enough, it only lasted for a day, and the people surprisingly had fun. A year later they offered to pay the magician to do it again and to make him the leader of the celebration.

You're an actor famous for playing a god on stage. That god is now at your front door asking if you could cover for them while they go on holiday.